Well, here I am again on my way to Asia. Who would have imagined a year ago that I would have beeen spending the better part of the next year in Hong Kong? Not me. And though it started out wonderful, this being away from family stuff really sucks. I am sitting in the Singapore Airlines lounge taking advantage of their wireless to pass away the time until I board around 1 AM. I then arrive in HK at 6 AM on Tuesday - so I completely lose my Monday. I figure this is my 5th trip to HK now and so I have lost nearly a week in time. And yes, you can argue I gain that back when I fly back, but do you count a day in an airplane as gaining back time??? I don't think so.
I also never imagined going to a place like Hong Kong would not get me excited. It has almost completely lost its exotic appeal and leaving PHX today was as sad and uninspiring as going on a normal business trip. But I do look forward to going to China next week. That should be fun. I am very curious to see how all this plays out. I will be informing them of my decision not to go on a long term assignment this week. I'm not sure if they will be upset about that and just send me home, or if they will still want me stay through the next few months. I am not sure if they will be upset and completely ignore my career progression or if they will actually pay attention to me now and let me utilize my talents where they can best be used. It is the first time in a long time that I really feel I don't have control over what is going on. I feel like I should not only be looking for other opportunities because I perhaps need a change, but because I need to in case I get laid off. As we enter a recession and the company I have loved continues to change and look less and less like the company that hired me years ago, I really do fear that I could be at risk. It is strange to think that. Though I think the chances are quite low, it is still a new feeling I have never really felt before.
So let's see what the next few weeks bring. It seems every meeting I am asked to attend I approach with trepidation and caution. I feel like for the first time in a long time I worry about what I'm going to hear. And this is just weeks after the president of the company tells me how important I am and how much they need me. It seems I am paranoid. I know most of this just comes from not knowing what is going to happen. The unknown creates fear. Fear is not something I like to feel. So I must be prepared. But I also must avoid paranoia. :-)
1 comment:
The unknown is truly scary, and stressful. I feel for you as I read your blog. I also see how growth and experience changes us. These things you need to think and worry about, dad has been worrying about for years. It is so easy to say to people, 'just don't worry about it', but that can be hard to do. The companies these days lay off people that are talented and smart, for all kinds of weird reasons. This new fear is nerve-racking. Dad has felt it for years now. He has seen very intelligent men get laid off, and he lives with that fear all the time. I doubt you will. All the good men dad knew that did get laid off found jobs. Both you and dad will, but I certainly can understand the strange and awful feeling that would give you or him if your boss came in and said, pack your stuff! I would cry. Maybe it would be good if you told him you are not going back for the long term position, and he just said, then you don't need to come back next month. Stay in Phoenix. Of course, they would take back their bonus $, but as you know, $ is not everything it is cracked up to be. :)
I feel your sadness, hear your concern, and pray for you and your lovely dear family.
If there is anything dad and I can do to help you while you are out there, let us know.
Maybe we can play a game every night, even Scrabble or Boggle.
Oh wait, my morning and your night.
I am not working this week. Too far behind in too many things to work. I know, I know, I am lucky.
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