My life is a perfect example of opposition and how life is full of ups and downs.
On one hand, I am loving my new calling as Institute teacher! My learning level is on this huge curve, and the more I learn, the more I learn there is so much more to learn! I can't get enough! My brain is happy that it is being challenged and used more and filled up with such cool, interesting stuff. My testimony is being strengthened, and I feel a new sense of nervousness and excitement each week I teach. I also can feel a new sense of accomplishment.
On the other hand, my heart is heavy and sad as I try to get patchwork pieces of how my dad is doing in Cleveland and hear stories of what he is going through. 10 days of tests, drugs, being poked and prodded, shocked and paddled, not walking so he is getting so weak, worrying, and every breath hurts. I feel so sorry for him, and for Carol, having to watch him go through that. I can hear the stress in Michael's voice when I talk to him. He is never crabby, and he was last night. They are all over-tired and just so stressed out. I wish I could do more. They insist there is no need for me to come down. I am grateful I got to spend that 4 hours with him a few weeks ago.
Each day I try not to think about the jump between, is this his last day, or will he get better? It pulls me in and I find myself crying for no particular reason during the day.
I am allowing it all to be in the Lord's hands. I feel selfish to pray that he doesn't die right before our desert trip so that I can't go on a vacation. The Lord knows what He is doing. I only pray that the doctors are smart and doing the right things, and that the Lord is merciful to dad in any way He can be.
It has put a damper on my getting all excited about next week's trip, as I worry that I won't be able to go.
I hope it all works out. We shall see.
I don't know what I would do without the Gospel and love of the Savior in my life. It is my rock, and tethers me to the eternal scheme of things.
2 comments:
I hope all goes well for your dad and G. Wall too. It been interesting and enlightening being witness to both mine and Bret's parents having to deal with the old age and trials of their own parents, but it is also a great example seeing our parents service, prayers and kindness to their parents. It's kind of a window into what all of our lives will be in the future.
We are continually keeping you and your family in our prayers. I know prayers work. We have felt the power of them in our behalf for the boys over the last few months.
Thank you so much. It is hard to see them get old and suffer through so much discomfort and pain.
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