well, I hate to bring this up and upset dad, but I have weird vibes going on this morning. It could be that I dreamt about him trying to find you, Bret. and that could be because of the book I'm reading, called Vanishing Acts by Jodi Picoult. so I was lying in bed this morning, and wishing I would have told you more good things about him. He was a lot of fun in high school, popular, athletic, daring, almost too bold, carefree, yet some people didn't like him. he tended to be a bit conceited, and was not very senstive to others. I don't remember what his grades were like. he courted me like Jimmy is courting Kathy. he bought me everything, took me to restaurants I had never been to, all the time, bought me flowers and candy and jewelry and clothes. oh, and we was also very musically talented, a great singer and actor. he was in a theater group.
His parents owned a florist shop, and they were very old-fashioned and looked very Irish.
he was never actually mean to me, esp before the divorce. he just liked to live his life, and expected me to cook, clean, and look pretty. he would wake up early am and go golfing, then come home and want a big breakfast, then he'd go play some tennis or basketball, then come home for lunch, then he'd go to the pool, then he'd invite everyone over for dinner, and not tell me until 4 or 5pm, and he would want me to make it perfect. he was a lot of show. I now realize he was on leave, and this was his down time. it was like his vacation. he he would come home for a few weeks and play all day and night, and then off he would go. I guess that is what all the military guys do on their leave, but I expected more. he was not deep, and did not include me in any of his sports. they were for guys. I see that more now, because I see what Tom and dad say when a girl comes to play b ball on saturday mornings. I guess I didn't actually want to play the sports with him, just to have time with him, but, doing what? he was all about sports. we did socialize often, and played a lot of cards and had couples over on weekend evenings. on weeknight evenings, if he was home, he just chilled and watched tv. most of the couples lived with us in the apartments there, and I know these apartments were government subsidized for us, because he was in the Navy, but I don't think any of the other couples were in the Navy. weird. at one point or another, every single one of those guys hit on me, more than once. They would come over when Terry was out at sea and want to 'help me out'. after a few times, I stopped letting them call or come over, because I finally realized what they all really wanted. (no, I never liked any of them or fell to their prey) and I found out later several of the women were having affairs. what did I know about people at 19 years old? byw, after we were married, he never really courted me again. it was all about him after that. he was not religious at all, but he did become Catholic for me so we could get married in the Catholic church. now that I am older and wiser, I wonder if he mostly married me because I would make a good wife, and not because he loved me. hard to tell. it's funny, but I don't even remember what day his birthday is. I thought you might want this in your blog journal. I only own one thing from him, a Navy pin he was awarded. I don't know what for, maybe everyone got one. I will give it to you someday.
6 comments:
Well, I am very grateful that you shared this. I have always been curious to know where Bret got some of his talents etc... (no wonder he is such a well rounded person, especially since he got all of your great qualities like compassion, spirituality, kindness, diplomacy, forgiveness the list goes on and on). I keep telling bret that he has Irish in him, but he always denies it. Now we have written proof. hee hee
Thanks again for sharing.
I think I can somewhat understand what it's like to look back on 19 (which some of you might think that was not that long ago for me, but time has passed nonetheless) and much has changed in my life since then. I used to convince myself I had things pretty much figured out... but I think looking back now I realized I didn't... AND far be it from me to ever admit THAT to myself, and even less likely to anyone else back then. I think that as long as the world has teenagers passing into adulthood, there will be those who have passed trying to save those coming forth from heartache they themselves had to endure... but few, if any, teens ever take such priceless advice... some of us just have to experience some things for ourselves.
I think the important thing about life is finding someone to be with forever that will understand, forgive, and love you for who you are and where you've been regardless... and even more importantly, that each of us become that same person for others.
This was great to read. I admit that most of this stuff is new to me and I enjoyed reading it. I had no idea how similar we might have been in some ways (i.e. sport/cockiness). Of course, the Walls are similar, too, so you never know.
Strangely enough I had been thinking about this a day or so before you posted it and realized how similar it seems to Kathy's situation now. Not that I am saying Kathy would get divorced if she married Jimmy - but the fact that she has fallen for a military man. I had never thought about it before until this past week. How interesting.
Life is always full of surprises and history, even our own, often seems like it never even happened. It is so hard to imagine you (mom) at that age with another person in your life. I am sure you were in love. But even after all of that you fell in love again with a great man and had a wonderful family. I saw a statistic that showed that now 51% of adult women are NOT married, but single. This is sad to me. Marriage can certainly be hard, but I think being single would be much harder - at least for me. Thanks for sharing.
do your boys no anything about this subject? will you tell them someday?
We have already talked to them about it. They didn't have too many questions. They have seen the pictures of Terry too. They seem fine with the idea.
good to know, just in case you didn't and some day I slipped and said something in front of them.
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