In the service of others

I am starting to understand just how much work it would be to be a leader in the Relief Society. And I don't envy them one bit. Let me start at the beginning.

Fact:I am a person who is very self sufficient, and really have a hard time asking for help or allowing people to help me much. Even when I was down on bed rest with Enok, I was very leery and annoyed that others wanted to bring in dinner or take my kids etc... Now granted, I have a very helpful husband and my children are not holy terrors that make me crazy night and day. So I know I have a very good life in those areas. I don't feel like I needed to impose on others.

Fact: I have struggled my whole adult life with my visit teaching. I don't particularly like having to cut time out of my day for people to come visit me when I really don't feel like I need that "social" aspect of the church. It seems far better to just give a VT to someone else than having them waste time and effort on me. I also have not been a very good VT, for the same reason I just gave. I feel like I am just imposing on others when I think their lives are just as crazy and hectic as my own.

Fact: This week I have started to come to a realization that there is indeed a reason for this program.

Earlier in the week I had one of my sisters call me. When she left a message, she didn't really say what was going on and I just figured that she wanted to talk to me about something in primary as she is in primary and I am one of the counselors. I had two phone messages that day, one being from mom wall, the other from this sister. In my mind I thought, hmm, I would much rather talk to mom since I enjoy chatting with her, than call this sister right away. I tried dialing the number to mom's, but kept hanging up. I think I tried it like three times. So instead I dialed this sister. I was so glad that I did. She had just had a doctor's appointment and found out that the baby she was carrying was no longer alive. She had to go in to the doctor on Thursday to get a D&C to clean her out. She wanted to let me know as we had just been talking about baby showers and baby things in general. I immediately asked if there was anything I could do. I told her I would bring her dinner in on Thursday since I figured she wouldn't be up to fixing anything. Then I told her I would contact our RS president. I wasn't sure what I was doing since I have never really been in a situation like this. So I let the RS president know what was going on and figured that my end of the deal was done, you know, hand it off to the compassionate service leader.

Later that night I got a call from the RS president. She had called and talked to this sister and told me that this sister requested some additional babysitting for Friday since her mother-in-law couldn't make it to help her watch the kids. (now I am not sure what is all involved in the whole D&C thing, or how much it puts you out of commission, so I was surprised that she needed more help with child care) Anyhow, The RS president was going to be gone all night and requested that I find some sitters to help out. Oh my goodness. I never realized how hard it is to find help. Granted, it is the last weekend before Christmas and everyone has a ton of things to do. I started to understand how much work goes into arranging service for others. I ended up calling about 7 sisters in the ward, and left messages. In the end I am going to be taking the kids for half the day and another sister is taking them the other half.

Okay, now for what I have learned. As I was driving home from this sisters house tonight after dropping off the dinner, I almost started crying. I am not really sure why. My heart felt full, and I felt a deep sadness as well as love. I know that sounds strange. The sadness came from the fact that her husband is going to be home tomorrow, and still she wants someone to watch her kids because he won't do it. I felt sadness that she is going through this difficult time and doesn't really have a lot of support from her husband as he wanted her to terminate the pregnancy in the first place. I felt sadness that it was so hard to find willing people to help out. I felt love because, although it is kind of an imposition to have to watch the kids tomorrow, I know that it is the right thing to do, and means even more because I would much rather spend my day with Bret (who took the day off to spend with us) and my kids. It is a sacrifice. I don't really have to make many sacrifices in my life so this was an opportunity for me to do so. I struggled with it and tried hard to rationalize getting out of doing it. In the end, I couldn't. I knew I needed to, and I felt even stronger about it after leaving her apartment this evening. Ultimately, this will be a good place for her three boys to be. I am one of the few women in the ward who has boys. This ward is a mostly girl ward. I have toys and distractions aplenty to entertain 6 small boys.

I have a great respect for the RS presidency. They are in charge of all the sisters and helping out everyone. I have such a small stewardship I cannot complain. I feel that this experience has been good for me. My testimony of Visit Teaching has grown, which is quite a feat as I have been struggling with this for a long time. I hope that in the future, I will be more readily willing to help out when the need arises. I have been given so much. I have such a blessed life. I need to do more for others so that the Lord knows I am grateful for what he has given me.