Weekend with Tommy & Holly

Like usual, it went by much too quickly, probably because we tried to jam so much in to a few days.

We played a lot of games, had some good food, kind of saw the turtles, they loved Wicked and had fun in the city, and they played tennis and basketball on Saturday.  Monday we hiked Mohonk.  Dad is exhausted and sore, as am I.  It was wonderful meeting Holly and we had an instant like.  Sometimes I get the feeling I have known her before..  I feel very comfortable around her and we can tell Tom does also.  She is easy-going and fun.  Unfortunately for Kathy, dad took the pics on the Mohonk hike, so....  Let's just say, there are still very few pictures of Holly floating around.  We have blurry ones, ones of her feet, her back, some with her far away, and here are the best of the few that we have.

One of those fun moments...

Small Moments – The Baby Hummingbird

There was a wonderful video the church put out last week about Moments That Matter. Since then I have been trying to pay more attention to those moments. I’ve always been a big believer in “moments” that bring happiness as opposed to other things, but I still wanted to focus more on noticing these wonderful moments that make our lives so joyful.

This morning I experienced one such moment. After coming home from basketball (which was a great basketball morning as I couldn’t miss) and getting ready for work, I headed out to the garden to water the plants. As I stood there in the sun soaking the dark soil and plants that have grown so well this year, a small hummingbird suddenly appeared in front of me.

Most people know I love birds. And I especially love hummingbirds. I have been known to sit outside in the Spring and watch the many hummingbirds that come to feed from our feeder or plants for hours. This hummingbird was very small. He was just a baby. He (I am not confident it was a “he”, but based on his tail feathers I believe it was) hovered in front of me, literally within a foot of my face, for what seemed like a minute. I continued to water with our sprayer (shower mode) and held still. Eventually the bird slipped down to the shower of water and immersed itself in the water. He then flew over to the palm tree next to us and “shook” the water off – similar to a dog. He then flew back and carefully showered some more. He did this three or four times. He didn’t seem scared of me at all. I held very still in order to make the moment last.

Eventually he finished his morning bath and flew away. It took no longer than five minutes. But in those five minutes I felt overjoyed. The beauty of his motion and proximity to my being left me grateful for such a wonderful experience. It was a moment in time that made me smile and reminded me of the beauty of this earth. For a moment in time a small hummingbird and I shared our lives. I provided him a fresh morning bath. And he provided me joy and gratitude.

Too much stuff

Last week I had a gift certificate to a store that I wanted to spend. Tevia and the boys were out of town so I decided that was a good time to go use it. I don’t often shop for myself these days, but it was a pretty good amount on the card and I felt it was a good time to go out and get something for myself. I mean, it must be easy to spend $50 at a store, right?

Wrong. To be fair, the first $20 or so was easy to spend. I needed a pair of pants and spent some time looking at the vast array of options. There were khakis, chinos, cargos, and slacks in every color and style (skinny khakis anyone?) you could imagine. There was a certain pair I was looking for (Dockers Cargos) based on a review I had read online and fortunately was able to find my size AND that size happened to be on sale. I spent the time to try on a few other pairs to make sure I was making the right choice, but that was done fairly quickly and I’d spent my first $16.

Next I knew I needed a black belt. Basically I am down to one black belt to wear to church or with a suit. I wanted a belt that was nice enough to use with a suit, but also casual enough to wear with jeans and a nice shirt. Belts are expensive. I don’t know why. Is leather really that expensive? I have been looking for a belt for over a year. And each time I refuse to pay over $20 for a piece of leather. But with a gift certificate I could overlook this ridiculous belt-price phenomenon. (I mean, really, a belt costs more than a pair of pants? A pair of pants takes at least one or two 8 year-olds in Viet Nam working 20 hours a day to stitch everything together. I mean, it comes in like a million pieces. A belt is ONE piece of leather and then they attach the buckle. It is almost as illogical as an SMS costing 10 cents per text). In
the next 20 minutes I found the belt and was sitting good at spending $34 of the $50. Just $16 more to spend. That should be easy. (For those taking notes I actually got the belt for less than $20, barely).

The next hour – yes, you read that correctly: hour – was spent in exasperation trying to find something in the store to buy. The store had its share of “stuff”: there were clothes, cooking supplies, candles, etc. And as I mentioned before, they had literally millions of clothes. But they were all, pardon my language, crap. Sure, I could have purchased another pair of pants, but I didn’t need them. So why not buy something I normally wouldn’t buy? I looked at shirts. I didn’t really like any of them. I finally lurked around the dress shirts – but I have quite a few of them. I could have purchased a white dress shirt – we always seem to need more of those, but I wasn’t feeling it. I looked at shorts. I have a lot of shorts. Nothing. I moved on to athletic apparel. Garbage – except ridiculously priced Nike or Adidas stuff that I refuse to pay for.

So let’s move on to other things like socks and underwear. Now that I am doing P90X I need some more APGs, but that just seemed so boring. And any cool (read: compression/under armor) underwear were like $20 a piece (so a pair of underwear and belts are both more expensive than my pants?). I could buy socks, but once again, I don’t need them. I have plenty of socks currently (admittedly this is a rare thing in my home).

I walked around and around. They even had shoes, but they were so expensive that even with the $16 I had left they were more expensive than if I bought them online. I eventually moved on to candles and pots and pans (hey, I could spend it on someone else!) but even then I was disgusted by the price and quality. In the end I spent my $34 and left. I still have $16 on my card.

As I walked away I was flabbergasted that a store could have so much STUFF. Could they really sell all that stuff? I mean, if I can’t even justify spending a gift card on their merchandise, do regular people really buy some of it? It seemed like such a waste. I understand we all have different styles we like, but so much of this stuff (at least in the men’s section) is just the same. Here we have some polos, and here are some more polos, and these are golf shirts that really are just polos. It almost felt as bad as my first time I went into a Costco and realized why Americans are fat. We just have too many options. And in the end we just take it because it is there. “Oh, this little skirt is on sale from $30 to $15! I must have it! What a bargain!” And they walk out with a skirt they will wear a handful of times as they rack up their debt and move on to the next “bargain”.

And people do buy it. How do I know? The line to buy my items was 20 minutes long! I spent nearly 90 minutes of my life trying to spend money and could only spend 80% of it. I’ll give myself another few days and I’ll go back and probably get underwear or socks. Those are essentials and I can justify buying them as they will be used. But it drove me crazy that with a store so full of things I could not find something to spend my money on: whether due to shoddy quality or style or by charging such a ridiculous price that I couldn’t possibly allow myself to spend that much money on it. How will these stores survive? If it was a card for Amazon I guarantee I’d spend it in 10 minutes. In fact, it’d be hard to even decide what to spend it on. Maybe it’s the Craigslist syndrome: hey! Come buy my trash; it’s cheap! You don’t need it, but you can’t pass up a bargain like this. And most people can’t.

failed

Dad & both spent over an hour and a half working on technical stuff, only to fail. Dad tried to update his profile on his LinkedIn, and after a long long time, it all disappeared and went back to what he had before.
I tried to get our new Garmin going.  Alas, no deal.  I can't even figure out if it is charging or not.  Found manual on line, no help at all.... Put address in, it disappears.   I will have to call someone tomorrow.
And I can't figure out how to put a photo on my ipod.
We are such losers....
It is soooooo very very frustrating.
Another good reason to live closer to you guys!

57

I always thought I would die young; seriously.  There were years I didn't think I would make it past 30ish.  So I am in awe that I have had the choice opportunity to live on this earth for 57 years! 
My mind does not feel old, but my body sometimes does.  It is harder and harder to do things that used to be so easy.
My spirit is strong and active, and I have had an incredibly wonderful life, including all its ups and downs.
I can go back and watch the Lord directing me, comforting me, and blessing me.  It is amazing!
I never  thought I would have all these blessings.  Truly the Lord did open the windows of heaven to me.
My blessings are too numerous too count.  I went from a poor little girl in a big ugly city who knew nothing of life and its mysteries, to a blessed women with a righteous husband, 4 awesome children, 3 amazing children-in-laws, 5 fantastic grandchildren and another one soon to join our crazy family, tons of friends, and knowledge and wisdom more than I thought possible. Mysteries I pondered as a child have been opened to me.
I know my Heavenly Father lives, and this knowledge brings me great peace.  I know we existed before, and this helps me understand the whole divine plan.  I know that it is all about charity and love, and that I do not have to be perfect, but can keep trying to improve. I know my Savior died for me.
I love my house and my porch and my bluebirds and my hummingbirds and my garden, and although I will be glad to give it all up to be with my family, I am grateful for the years I was able to enjoy this beautiful area. 
I love my calling in the temple, and teaching Institute. My learning curve is angling upward, and there is so much yet to learn. 
I feel good about my 57 years, and have many more things I want to accomplish.  
I am writing my personal history, and it brings back memories I have long forgotten.  Each house I lived in, each friend I had, each job I worked, each path I took brought me to this tiny spot on my spiritual path.  
There is much more to come!
  Thank you all for being an integral part of my life and  a blessing to me!

Birthday Camping

Tevia did a good job of breaking down our camping trip in Bull Pen Ranch (see link here), but I thought I'd add my two cents.

Originally my idea was to camp near Sedona on Oak Creek as it always looks so gorgeous and cool (temperature). There are not too many sites near the river, and if you want to reserve them they are reserved months ahead of time. There are some that are first-come, first-serve, but after thinking about it I was worried Tevia would end up sitting in a line for hours and then get a campsite and THEN if we were lucky to get a second for Jake/Cari, they wouldn't even be near us. So I decided on this other location.

Tevia and Kathy were kind enough to go up early and secure a campsite. They did a great job. Jake and Cari drove up a little later and Jimmy and I brought up the rear as we drove up after work. The place is very pretty. It is a lush, green sliver among the desert. You would never even imagine anything was there until you reach the valley and see the trees. The water brings the green and wildlife. There is a hike here that I'd love to do now that parallels the river for a few miles. You run into red-rock slot canyons and you can always take a nice dip in the clear water.

The campsite was ideal and even though there were quite a few people in the camp around us, it seemed quiet and isolated as we were surrounded by large trees. The temperature was great, too. Not too hot and not too cold. The creek was close by and you could walk over to fish or catch crawdads or whatever. There were quite a few bugs. They didn't seem to bother me, but they annoyed quite a few of the others.

I hiked up the creek to find a swimming hole that a friend of mine had found. I eventually found one and we decided to take everyone up there on Friday. It was only a 10 minute hike for me, so not bad for the kids. Due to Speed's nap and Jimmy's excitement to fish, we eventually split up and decided to meet up at the water hole. Since I'd been there before, my group (my family and Kathy) got there easily and enjoyed swimming and talking and watching trout. It was very nice except there were quite a few bees which annoyed Jarek and Malik at first, but they left us alone. After an hour or so we realized we weren't going to see the others in our party and eventually headed back. Jimmy/Jake/Cari had apparently found another swimming hole further up the trail and had missed this one. So we missed out an swimming with them.

I tried to help the kids fish a little. After a couple of casts with no bites they got bored and moved on to just catching crayfish. Saturday was free fishing day, so I could actually fish and tried with a little fly from Jake's tackle. But I got nothin'. But it did remind me of days long ago fishing and how much I enjoy it. As I sat on the shore hoping for a bite, I watched birds and spiders and listened to the creek. It was great. I want to go again.

Friday night there was some partying on the creek and the music kept some of us up for a while. It is too bad they were so inconsiderate (Thursday night was SILENT). But eventually they died down and we all fell asleep. Saturday most people were looking to leave. A few weren't feeling too good, others were sick of bugs. I would have loved to stay, but understood that camping isn't that fun when you don't feel good.

In the end it was fun. The only funny moment was hearing Jacob yell out late Thursday night "Tevia! Don't move! There is a skunk next to the tent." Tevia was laying next to me and I'm not sure why she would have moved anyway. And why Jake was so concerned with her and not the rest of us, I'm not sure. But it made me smile. (Indeed there was a skunk, you could easily smell it, but it left us alone). Later that night we played two games. It was fun. We hadn't done that in a while, so it made up for leaving a little early.

37

37 is an odd number. It just isn’t a number that is used very often. It is a prime number. I can’t even think of any players of any sport that use the number 37. So it seems an insignificant number on the way to the momentous and ominous 40.

But that is okay. I look forward to the next year with a sense of anticipation and excitement. As I do approach that fourth decade, I am amazed at how young I feel. It is thrilling to see athletes like Steve Nash, Grant Hill and Brett Favre be older than me and still play/compete at high levels in their sports. Even just this morning in basketball I got frustrated as we had two players on my team under the age of 19 who I could run faster than and play harder than. Years ago I thought 35 would be the limit to my basketball career, but even at age 37 I feel like I can compete and even contribute greatly to my team and still have fun. So from a physical perspective I feel nowhere near the dreaded 4-0.

From a career perspective I feel I am just slightly behind where I would like to be. But this is something I can rectify with some effort. But to this point I have enjoyed a pretty good career with great opportunities like doing an assignment overseas and even as current as last year travel the world and even be able to bring my wife along with me. These were all goals of mine that I was able to achieve. And though I’d love to make a little more money and be at a slightly higher level, those things haven’t meant as much until now (especially considering most likely I’ll still be working for another 30 years! Now that is a thought that is much more difficult to deal with).

From a family perspective I’ve been able to marry a beautiful and wonderful daughter of God. She’s never strayed from me and I’ve never even been tempted to leave her side. She’s provided me with three amazing children who bring happiness and joy to our home. We live fairly close to many family members on both sides of the family which brings more family memories and experiences. I’m a true believer that family is most important, and I am grateful for those that have sacrificed to make the effort to live near us.

On the spiritual side I still have a strong conviction of the gospel of Jesus Christ and believe I have found his true church and believe that living his teachings brings me joy and happiness in life. I do not believe I have been deluded or brainwashed, but truly can see correlations between living Christ’s teachings and joy and fulfillment in my life.

So in the end, it seems I’ve had a great 37 years. As I sat and thought about what more do I want in life, most of the things I could come up with weren’t really for me, but for others. I want to see my boys grow and stay healthy and serve missions and fall in love. I want to serve a mission with my wife. I want my parents to move to Phoenix. And at a lower level I want a job that challenges me and brings me fulfillment (I know this is tough, but I had it for years and I just have to find it again).

37 years from now I’ll be 74. Hopefully – and most likely – I’ll still be quite active. I’ll be retired. My sons will have families. I’ll have grandchildren. Some people don’t think the world will last that long, but I think it will. It isn’t inconceivable that my parents will most likely still be alive. And that is where life seems so odd. So much happens in those first 25 years (that has expanded to around 40 years for most of society now, but historically let’s say 25). We are born, we grow, we go to school, we get married, we have kids, we get jobs… And then we kinda sail and watch the next generations do the same thing. We may try to improve our lives –but most probably just focus on money (read: career) as they figure this will be the most effective way to improve our lives. Granted, raising kids takes time and effort. And it can be very fulfilling. But what else? What do we aspire to do? Most have as their highest priority to retire. And what for? Not much, except to just “stop working”. Some may want to spend more time with family, others may want to travel or golf or just relax. But what big moments do they have to look forward to? We need to create more moments for when we get older. Something beyond “making more money” and “retiring” and “watching NCIS”.

So that is what I want to do for myself. Make goals for each decade. For example, I was thinking for my goal before I turn 40 instead of a goal like “become VP” or make X amount of dollars, to do something that will stretch me. Maybe learn to speak Chinese fluently. Or dunk a basketball. Or run for political office. I think most people just get to a point where their goals become passive: earn more money, save more money, go to Hawaii, etc. I like the idea of making goals that, like in the first stages of our lives, push us and lead us out of our comfort zone. I liked the idea mom came up with a few years ago to have a goal to live within driving distance of each other within 5 years. It is a hard goal. It takes sacrifice, discomfort, and effort. It might hurt. But the end result is priceless.

So that is what I will work on this year: coming up with my goal for before I turn 40. Or maybe a few goals. Something to stretch me. Something not as monotonous as just increasing my net worth (though I definitely will still work on that, I don’t think that is a “goal”; that is just something we do. I mean, who works to decrease their net worth?).

So for those who think 37 sounds like a terrible age I can testify it ain’t that bad. Reality is I can probably match, if not beat, most of you younger guys in most physical tests. I could still get the ladies if I had to (thank goodness I do not!). I probably weigh less than you and am taller than you. =) I may even get mistaken for being younger than you. LOL. In that sense getting old isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. At least not yet. I’m grateful for that. Let’s see if I sing the same tune next June 8th.

Some fav pics of Bret

Bret, you have brought so much joy to my life!  We have had such a story, such a good life, so many blessings, so many memories!

Robert Browning

"But what if I fail of my purpose here?
It is but to keep the nerves of strain,
To dry one's eyes and laugh at a fall,
and baffled,
Get up and begin again...."

"If you can imagine it, you can achieve it,
if you can dream it, you can become it"

I will try harder to be a peace maker.

Proof!

While going through photos for my new journal life history project, I found this!  Ha ha!  Proof that Bret & I  were feeding the raccoons when one got to close and bit me!   This was at a park in Michigan.

Metropolitan Museum of Art

Dad & I have wanted to go here for years.  I will  not pretend to know much about art, and I never even had one single art class to study any of the artists, styles, etc, but I did want to see it and enjoy it.
Once dad found out the IBM employees could enter for free, we put it on our 'things to do some Saturday when we had time' list.  Yesterday was that day!
We took the train, gladly, knowing how much was going on in the city for Memorial Day weekend.

We planned out our trip, thinking we would take the less walking route for my sake, and use a bus that travels up Madison.  We have never used a bus in the city, and decided to try it.  We found the bus stop, and waited about  3 minutes, when I looked down the street and noticed barricades set up.  Ha ha! There was no traffic moving at all on Madison.  We asked a police officer why, and he said it was a Turkish holiday.  What the?  We didn't understand how a Turkish holiday could close down an entire street, but oh well, on to plan B.
We figured out the subway, and it meant much more walking for me, but it was fun and the perfect weather.
 We gave away a granola bar on the way, our new tradition of helping the homeless who come to us asking for money or spare cash.  He gladly accepted, whereas some just say cash only.
We had no trouble finding it, or getting in free.  We didn't realize we should have gotten a map at the beginning, so it was difficult to figure out what to see and where to go.  We just meandered about, and when I got tired, I would find a place to sit and let dad wander off.
Of course you can't see it all in one day, but I had enough sampling to say I was there, saw it, enjoyed it, and some of the art was pretty cool.
We ate in the cafeteria there, and I had warned dad it would be more expensive than eating when we got out, but we did it just to say we did. It ended up being $20 for both, not too over priced.
Funny thing- there was a hot dog cart, sweet cakes cart, and ice cream cart right outside, so I figured we could just eat there and be happy.
We ran into the youth from the Poughkeepsie 2nd ward, who were going in to the museum after a temple trip.
We were exhausted at that point. Dad had gone running for the first time in 2 months right before we left-(yes, I told him that was a crazy idea), so his legs were cramping up, (note- he had not even had one bottle of water all day even after running, only choc milk for lunch).  He barely made it to the train.  My back was also sore, so we were glad we had not driven, and could relax on the train all the way home.
It was a fun date!

All The Pretty Horses

Anyone else seen this?  I can't tell if I liked it or not. I bit violent for me.  Matt Damon plays a great role as a cowboy.   It is deep, and well-written, so I think I want to read the book.  Has anyone read it?

Speed Walks!

He's been ready for weeks now, but it's only been this week he's really put any effort into it. Crawling is still faster, so it's been hard to get a good clip of him walking, but he lovingly obliged me this morning. :)

Spring in NY

Laughter is an Instant Vacation!

Thanks for all the memories!  I love being your mother! 

2011 Desert trip

Wind, drizzle, cold aside; I still loved every minute of the desert trip and would pay all the  money and go that far to do it again.
Favs:  Jarek, Malik, Bret & I in the cave making up secret words,  Hazel & I hiking in the park as she sang along and stopped at every rock, Speed playing cars in the dirt, the Easter egg hunt and Jarek helping me hide the eggs, the campfire discussions, Jimmy being so careful  with Kathy and their little one, and of course, being all in once place and seeing everyone.
Jake: you did a great job with the food!  Yum!
Webb, I loved seeing you and Millie and the girls again!
We ended up liking the vehicle we rented, an Endeavor.
I was glad to see the top of Gemini Bridges, cause we usually go to the bottom.
Tev & Bret, thank your friends again for the comfortable air mattress.
 Jacob, I hope you can take that other one back.
And Jake, you should name your tent.
Jimmy, too bad you didn't get to hike Eye of the Whale. I missed going this year also, but I love it there.
Strange that we saw no bunnies, jackrabbits, or hardly any other animals when it was such a green year.
Maybe they were hiding from Jimmy.
I missed grandpa somehow.
Next year I will slip dad a chill pill. Are they legal yet? Just kidding,  I just wish he would slow down and enjoy the view.
I feel guilty about leaving those 'things' in the creek.  If questioned, I will talk. Glad Jimmy got out of the quicksand alive.
Personally, I slept well, ate well, my back held out good, and each memory was precious to me.
Love Love Love being with you all!

Army Tent in Front Yard

So, here it is. Not really big enough for 16. I think we can do 10-12 more comfortably. Bret and Tevia will save us and bring their tent.

Hazel Sings

The third song is by far the best.

temple = JOY!

Yesterday I went to the temple with some sisters in our ward. I did a family name, so as I was in the office getting the paperwork, our new temple President, President Garff, came in.  He was glad to see me and asked why I had been released as an ordinance worker.  When I told him it was because Don was in the Stake presidency, he said, "well, we want you back".  He asked me right there on the spot if I can come during the day, because they need people, and asked if every 1st & 3rd Friday would work.  I was so excited!
I said, "don't you have to ask someone, like my bishop or Don?"  He just smiled at me and said if I worked it out right, I could work later in the day every other Friday, and Don could come straight from work and go to a session and then we could still have our once a month Friday night temple date.  Perfect!
I am happy.  I love working in the temple!