Since you've been gone...

We are now on day three of Bret being gone. Let me give a run down of how things have gone since then.

Day one. We drive Bret to the airport. We chat and laugh and make small talk. On the way there my mind is already starting to break down. I have been telling people for the last two weeks that I am not really going to think about the implications of all of this until Bret leaves. I am amazed at just how capable our minds are when we tell it to do something. We pull up to the drop off curb. I get a cart for him, as he has three pieces of luggage and only himself going into the airport. He gets the luggage. We hug for a minute and then he steps into the van to tell the boys goodbye. He hugs and kisses the older boys, and they hardly notice since their noses are glued to their D.S.'s. He leans over to Enok and kisses him. Enok starts to cry. He steps out of the van and I hug and kiss him. My emotions are almost too big to contain and tears trickle down my face. My heart is racing and I am overcome with too many feelings to keep them in check.

"I love you".
"I love you too".
"Call me when you get to San Francisco".
"I will".

I get back into the van and start to drive off. I look back once and see my husband pushing a cart full of luggage that will keep him from me for a month. I can see that he looked for me looking for him. I hope he doesn't see the tears streaming down my face and the panic that begins to overwhelm me. Enok is screaming and crying at the top of his lungs and I am getting agitated. He cries the whole way home. So do I.

At home I completely fall apart. Who am I? I am not this weak, sad, out of control person. Enok continues to cry if I hold him, cry if I put him down, cry if I look at him, cry if I don't look at him. I have to pull myself together to care for him. The older boys are glad I am a basket case because I tell them to just play Nintendo. I go in my room with Enok and just hold him. He wants to be close to me. He has cried himself out to the point of no energy. He lays his head against my chest and my heart beats in time with his baby hiccups that you get after crying so much. He clings to my arms with his and doesn't want to budge. Slowly, he falls into a restless sleep and I put him in his crib. He sleeps for three hours.

I don't remember if I even fed Jarek and Malik that day. I think Jarek took care of things. He is a good boy. I just sit and fall apart. I am not a functioning person. I don't know how this happened. I notice three hours have gone by and Enok has not stirred. I begin to worry so I go in and check on him. He is just laying there. I pick him up. He skin is clammy and cool to the touch. I try to get him to drink. He does.

The rest of the night he is very listless. He responds to my voice, but won't sit up. He falls over, either on the ground or, if I am holding him, against my chest. I am worried and call both mom's, and two nurses. Nobody knows what is wrong. I call Risa and she comes over. I am so grateful for her strength. She walks in and says I look terrible. I would have to agree with her assessment. I am still worried and can't seem to think straight. She convinces me to call someone to give Enok and myself a blessing. This is so terribly hard for me. I am so bad at asking for help, but I need it. I am lost. I get a hold of a brother in the ward and he is more than willing to come and assist us. He finds another brother and the first one brings his wife. I am a blubbering mess and too distraught to care about my appearance. First they bless Enok. A sweet blessing and already I feel peace creep into my heart. Enok seems soothed too. As they lay their hands on my head, I feel something dark lift from my heart and my mind begins to clear. When they finish I feel lighter, and more myself. I hug them both and the wife of the first brother hugs me. I hug her with an intensity that portrays all the emotion that is pouring out of me. She lets me cling to her as long as I need to, and she strokes my hair and tells me she loves me and everything will be fine. I am grateful for her strength.

Today is now Wednesday. Three days since Bret has gone to Hong Kong. We are more or less back to normal. More or less. Enok is still feeling Bret's absence and is very clingy and emotional. Night is the hardest for him and he just wants to be held and comforted. I sing to him and tell him I love him and that we will see daddy soon. It is amazing to me that one so young can be that affected by one parent gone out of the house. We miss the priesthood feeling in our home. We are trying to keep the spirit here by praying together and being kind to one another. The boys seem to be more helpful and loving to me and each other. They are good boys.

I have to admit, I can not believe that I fell apart. But I also know that it was my own doing. Perhaps if, instead of shunting all my feelings to the side until the day Bret left, I had let myself think about it a little each day, I would not have been such a wreck. But then again, maybe it was good that I let myself hit rock bottom so that I could build up from the bottom and move forward with all the things that I need to get done. Either way, I am excited for our adventure. I am glad for this opportunity and feel great peace that this is the time in our lives to be doing this. Our boys have such a wonderful opportunity ahead of them, and I hope that I can be a good example to them and show them a positive outlook.

Now I will be focusing on all the things that need to get done. Look out August, I am on the move!!!

On my way

Written on the plane:

July 30, 2007

It is 9:30 PM. I’ve been on this plane for over 6 hours. Halfway there! It was difficult trying to sleep last night, though I was able to better than I expected. As I woke up at 5, and then every half hour until 6:30 I realized I was nervous. I also realized that I was feeling sad. I had been so excited about going to Hong Kong I hadn’t thought hard about the fact that I will be alone for almost a month. And Tevia and the boys will be without me. That is a long time. I hope Tevia forgives me. I hope that this assignment turns out to be everything I expected – or even half – so that Tevia knows what a great opportunity this is. That it will pass quickly and soon she’ll be sitting here next to me with our three boys sitting on a plane for 13 hours.

I think I’m nervous due to a couple of things. Going to Brazil I was nervous and excited, too. Though I spoke Portuguese pretty well by the time I flew down there, my Chinese, and in particular my Cantonese aren’t nearly as good. I worry about simple things like will my ride be there waiting for me. Will I find a money exchange place. Will I get to my apartment okay. All these things will work out fine, but I worry about details like that. I like to know how things will work. But with all travel, and even more so with international travel, there will always be some flexibility required.

Tevia dropped me off at the airport this morning with the boys. She had tears in her eyes as she hugged me goodbye. I hugged and kissed the boys and felt tears come to my eyes, too. Poor Tevia. I don’t think she realized what was really going to happen. I have never been away from her or the boys for so long. This will be much harder than living in a new country. The flight to San Francisco was brief and then I had to get onto a small shuttle bus which drove me through the underworld of the San Francisco airport. I arrived just in time for boarding and got on. Last time I traveled internationally I went to Paris and sat in coach. This time I got business class and I recall seeing the seats with jealousy and coveting a few years ago. It really does make a huge difference. I bought a book at the airport (Dune: Hunters of Dune) to keep me occupied. I also have an arsenal of electronics to keep me busy. I read for an hour or so and then watched a movie (Disturbia) while they served dinner. Both were surprisingly good. I then broke out the Nintendo DS and played some “New Super Mario Bros.” Then I did some Sudoku until my brain started hurting.

I looked around to watch another movie and watched a few minutes of “300” in Portuguese. I don’t think it was edited like some of the other movies, so I turned it off (though it looked really cool) and broke out the lappy to record some of my feelings. I had purchased an electronic connection for my laptop and other electronic items which seems to work, so that made me happy.

While driving to the airport with Tevia I related to her how I feel like I’m starting a new life almost. I will be in a new country. I will have a new job that I’m not entirely sure what it is I will be doing. I have spent years building an ideal team environment and team and now I am back to square one. I will be in a new apartment. For the first time in my life I will really stand out. Even in Brazil I passed for Brazilian if not Argentine since I had dark hair and skin and spoke well. I can’t really pass of Chinese though. Though I am happy to be able to go a little earlier to get things ready for Tevia and the boys, I wish they would have come with me. It would be a lot to ask, but I will miss them. I have determined to focus on working out as I will have a gym and hiking at my disposal. And seeing those guys on 300 with their abs gave me some inspiration to get ready for when I see Tevia again.

I think it is good to feel stretched from time to time in life. Everyone knows that remaining static is not good. Even in the gospel we talk about growing each year, every day. This will be a good stretch for me. At the same time I will be getting something I have really wanted: an opportunity to live again outside the USA. I am excited to have my wife and kids experience some of what I did in Brazil. Obviously there will be large differences, but many of the same themes will hopefully come across. Themes like how spoiled we are as Americans (though living in a resort-like community home won’t be quite as effective as living in a shack in Brazil) and how wonderful we have life. Learning to love God’s children around the globe. Learning to accept and even love diversity. That is what I hope to get out of this. That and some awesome food!

I am watching the little map screen and see that we have passed the international date line and I can see Japan on the map now. The flight has been wonderful. I have been amazed at the service. Definitely much nicer than I anticipated. The one thing about traveling business class is that we won’t be able to lay the kids down as the arm rests don’t go up. But they recline pretty far. Hopefully that will help. With their DSs and movies and sleep, I think they will do great. We’ll see how I feel a few hours from now when I start going crazy. Tchau for now.

4 More Days...

4 more days. I can't believe it. Today was my last day in the Phoenix office - for at least 6 months. It was weird packing up my desk. Nobody told me to pack up my desk, but I figure they are replacing me, so I should clean out my desk, right? Nobody from management came to say goodbye, except Jimmie. Good ole Jimmie. My boss' only communication to me today was from his blackberry. It was a question: when do you leave? I replied Monday. He replied - good, I'm probably going to need you to go to Singapore in the next couple of weeks. No "goodbye" or "good luck." Kinda weird. In fact, for all I know few people even know I left.

My team did a great farewell "soiree" for me though. We had pizza and they bought me a bunch of books on Hong Kong, Lonely Planet China, maps of Hong Kong and some basic Cantonese and Mandarin phrase books. They also go a big picture of my team and framed it with some comments on it. They definitely spent way too much on it. But it was nice. I never feel comfortable in those situations. I don't like being the center of attention (hard to imagine, huh?). Many people said goodbye with teary eyes. It was sweet. One of my employees - a guy from NY - said as he left: "I remember when 9/11 happened and I was on the Tappan Zee Bridge and could see the buildings falling that tears came to my eyes and I knew it was a dramatic moment. Seeing you leave is very similar - but on a lower scale of course." I thought that was very touching. Now there are rumors that all of these people will quit with me gone. I hope not. A good leader shouldn't cause a grand exodus.

So I have no desk, no idea what will happen in 6 months, and an $8,000 ticket to HK on Monday. Here I go...

Quick PS

Kathy,
Just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Full House, but lonely~~

Well, I guess I wouldn't be lonely if I were still reading Harry Potter! Bret, Jacob and Millie all have their noses plastered to the pages of the last installment of the book. Having already finished the book, it is fun to think about how they may be feeling as they turn the pages and learn the fates of all the wonderful characters in this book.

I will just sit here and think about finishing up the primary program, but will probably go read the book mom let me borrow by Mitch Albom. Or, maybe I will just go rest my eyes. That's right, I will just rest them..........

Hong Kong Bound?

Tuesday morning I went into work after two wonderful weeks of vacation in NY. I still want to blog about that trip. It was fantastic. I had an email on my blackberry from my boss saying to see him first thing in the morning. I was hoping that it had something to do with the new job I had kinda created for myself as I had asked him to work on it while I was out. He said he had some bad news and some good news. Optimistic as I am I thought, "oh great, no luck on the new role!" But the bad news was one of my good friends in the Hong Kong office was leaving Prudential. The good news was that they wanted me to go over and take her spot - at least for a short period of time.

I was almost shocked. For years I have desired an expat assignment and have asked for them and to be honest was close to leaving Prudential due to the fact that I just didn't see a possibility of getting one. I am an international person who went to arguably the best international school in the world. I had started at a company with great international opportunities and in the short time frame of a few months this year my role had actually diminished in the international field as I was asked to help with the US domestic business. Now all of the sudden it was being given to me.

It is amazing when something you have wanted so long, or dreamed about for so long, really happens. It is almost like when something terrible happens: you can't believe it is really happening. All week my mind has been distracted. Work has been tough as I think about what might be in store. I signed my letter stating that my assignment won't be more than 183 days (due to tax reasons), but I know in speaking to my new boss in Hong Kong that his idea is for us to stay longer, if possible. Prudential has provided me great benefits while I am there including allowing my wife and children to come with me.

I am so excited. Hong Kong, from everyone I have spoken to who has lived there, is an awesome place to live. Most people speak a little English, which is helpful. I am hoping to be able to learn some more Mandarin (even though Cantonese is the main Chinese spoken in HK). I am excited to be there with my family and experience a new life for some time. There is a temple there and they even have English-speaking wards. I am hoping we will also get to see other parts of Asia that I have always wanted to see like Japan and Thailand.

Who knows what will happen in the next year or so. If it truly turns into a longer term assignment we may not be seeing too much of the states for a while. We'll be back for Christmas, even our Mexico trip in August. It feels almost like Christmas. It is even hard for me to sleep. I am theoretically going over on July 30 on my own and then will return at the end of August to go to Mexico with the family and then bring them back with me after Labor Day.

I am so excited. I can't wait.

beautiful morning

Sometimes when we are busy, it helps to just sit down. I took my healthy bowl of granola with fresh raspberries from our garden and blueberries from Adams out to the front porch swing at 8am. the beauty of the morning overwhelmed me, and I couldn't help but be grateful for the area we live in, the peace and quiet, the deer walking way back in the distance, the hummingbird that flew over to say hi, the bluebird eating bugs in the front lawn, Tommy raking the grass in the back, Kathy already up and going to Borders to get in line for the 'book', etc. although I am quite busy today throwing a party for the DeMoura's, and have tons to do for trek, this 15 minutes gave me what I needed to cheerfully get ready for the party, and cheerfully work on the trek. Bret, I love my hummingbird feeder! It will remind me of you every time I see it, just like my bluebirds do Jacob. miss you all!

Booger face

Here are some picts of the lil stink butt! Sorry I'm not very good at getting them out. Maybe I'll have to show Millie how to do it and pass it off to her as her job... maybe as a bimonthly thing! :)

A.R.K.

So Millie and I had a date night last Friday and since there's really not much out in theaters right now worth seeing (in comparison with the anticipation of Harry Potter and Transformers!) we went to Evan Almighty... I had heard mostly bad reviews, but since the source was less than reliable we thought we'd give it a shot; after all, it did look "good."

And it was good. I liked it. It had a great message. I think Millie tends to see most movies/books/forms of entertainment as just that... entertainment (you can correct me if I'm way wrong Bean) but I love looking for messages in almost all that I'm exposed to.

Of course the story is LOOSELY based off of the story of Noah and the ark... and coming out of Hollywood (and considering it starred Steve Carell) they didn't seem to be TOO far off on the POINT of the story. There's even a part where God (played by Morgan Freeman) says to Evan: The story of Noah isn't a story about God's vengeance or wrath, it's about love... it's about the animals walking side by side, two by two into the ark... it's about Noah and his family working along side each other, supporting each other and trusting each other... and that no matter what Even is put through, God does it because he loves him. Another point made was how Evan had been elected to Congress and set out to "change the world"... God (Morgan Freeman) explained that the way you change the world is by simple and small Acts of Random Kindness (A.R.K.).

Which brings me to my next point... The short story "Homeless In Hell", by Orson Scott Card, tells of a man who dies and was not good enough for heaven and not bad enough for hell, and so, like many other "lost souls" was forced to wander the streets of hell. In the streets he meets a man who gives him a "job." His job is to help living children. Mostly to bring them comfort (for those that are lonely or scared or being abused) or to help in anyway they can. The story is a Christmas story so it talks about how the Christmas holiday is the busiest and that's when they try to find ways to "pick the pockets of the wealthy" and find ways to "get the money into the hands of children in need." He explains how being dead and without a body makes this VERY difficult since there are VERY few dead souls that are able to affect the living world, and those who can have VERY limited abilities. The point of the story is this: He explains how it is SO easy for the living to make a difference in the lives of others (children specifically in the story) yet so few take the opportunities to do so. He reflects (as a dead person) on how much more he could have done in life to make a difference and maybe make it into heaven had he just acted once in a while.

My third (and last) point is this: This is really more for me than anyone else, but I call myself to action. Sure I don't see many opportunities to really help someone in "need"... my life is very routine. But I know there are people in the world that could use a hand and I hope to do better at providing that hand and serve. Sure it's just a movie, or just a short story, but I believe truth can be found in all mediums and I support anything that is in line with the gospel of Jesus Christ and serves to make the world a little better. It's easy to be overwhelmed and forget, but truly, by simple Acts of Random Kindness, I think we can change the world.

Water World

Wednesday I took off of work for my flex day (we have a new flex working schedule where I can take off 1 day every 4 weeks if I work 30 minutes more each day) and we packed up and went to Waterworld, which is a water park near our home. It was a lot of fun. It is nothing like Raging Waters or Seven Peaks in UT (which I don't understand since Utah only has summer for a few months), but for our kids it was a lot of fun. Enok didn't complain all day. Jarek and Malik had a lot of fun. Malik especially enjoyed the wave pool. I enjoyed the weather, being in water, and having a day off with my family. We were careful with the sunscreen so none of us burned or anything. They had a small area where the pool was about 2 or 3 feet deep with little slides for kids to go down. That is where we spent most of our time. It was so much fun.

day one of roof

I am already a stress mess. so is dad. he tried to be happy and cheerful, and did so all morning. the problem came when he realized we need all new wood under the shingles, and not just shingles. the 4 day job just turned into an 8 day job. Poor Jacob and Tom, and dad. and dad's arms and hands are already numb. they do that after he works hard for a few hours. like if he does chain saw work, after an hour, the hands just can not hold the saw anymore. weird. and jacob came tired from the red eye, so he had to sleep during the afternoon. they really needed one more guy. I told dad to call duncan campbell, or scott sleater. they are strong and both hard workers. he is afraid of what would happen if they got hurt. I think our home owners would cover it, but I guess we shouldn't take a chance. so, needless to say, it is going up t 94 tomorrow, hottest day of the year, I will be gone at girls camp, so I can't even make them lunch or drinks, kathy will be at work, tom has to work 4-9, and they are in a bad spot. I really wanted don to have someone do this job. this is so stressful to me. and him. he is not mad, just frustrated and worried. so much for jake's vacation. and Kathy already had a nail go thru her ididas sandal all the way up thru her toe. and I had to go get groceries and tons of gatorade, and carry it all in myself, so my back now hurts. and I have to pack for camp and drive out there and none of them can help me do that either. I hope tomorrow is a better day. ;(

the new Jake

we met Stacie's finance last night. he is really an all-around basic nice guy. he speaks Korean, I guess from his mission. he is not asian. he is polite and cute around Stacie, of course. he slept here last night, but will go to the father-son campout tonight, and then is staying in the city tomorrow night. we won't see much of him. they asked if he had to check in when he comes over, as it will generally be late. :) he is easy-going, and doesn't seem to be too stressed about living here with people he never met. he is working with Bill doing tree work all summer. yikes. that will be hard.

Lonely in Detroit

I'm in Detroit, Michigan (Troy to be exact) in a Marriott as I am visiting one of my clients tomorrow (Delphi). It is a nice hotel, but I miss my wife and kids. I will see my wife and one kid tomorrow, but probably won't see Jarek and Malik for a few days as they are going up to Show Low tomorrow (another attempt after last week's delay). I did have a great dinner. We ate at a steakhouse called Shula's (named after the NFL coach). I ordered the filet mignon and lobster bisque. It was fantastic. I don't usually order steak, but since it was a steakhouse and that was really all we could order, I went with it. Now I am finishing up some emails and might go down to the gym and sauna.

Spare Tires, Shampoo and Fathers

This last week Tevia ran over a nail with the Kia Sedona (van). We have had the van over a year now and love it to death. But I have now found one thing I don't like about it - but I don't think it is just for Kia Sedonas. To change the tire was a major ordeal. I remember sitting down to change the tire and thinking of A Christmas Story movie when the father talks about changing the tire in record time. Well, you can't do that with spares these days. First, the spare is under the carriage and has to be released by unscrewing a bolt under a mat on in front of one of the chairs in the back. I happened to remember this from when we bought it, otherwise I would have been really confused. That took time to get off since I couldn't figure out how to get it off. Then the jack and lugnut remover were these tiny things (I guess to save space?) that you hooked together and took about 10 minutes just to lift the van high enough to remove the tire. So what I thought would be a 10 minute job took over 30 minutes. But Tevia took it to Discount Tire the next morning where they repaired the tire and put everything back in less than 15 minutes for the unbeatable price of "free."

My hair is at that odd stage where it isn't short enough or long enough to do anything. So recently I decided I was just going to use conditioner in my hair to style it. It was hard to find some, so I looked under the sink and found a small green bottle. I put it in my hair and noticed it got all sudsy. I was confused and just kept working it in and finally it was fine and worked. The next morning I looked at the bottle more closely and saw that it was shampoo AND conditioner. So I had used shampoo in my hair all day to style it. It made me laugh.

Yesterday was Father's Day. I listened to the talks in church and thought they were great. The speakers, of course, spoke about their fathers. This made me think of my father(s). I realized that out there somewhere is a man who has a child and has no idea what that child is doing with his life. He has no idea that he has a beautiful daughter-in-law and three amazing grand children. He lost his blessings of a father. And then there is another man who was willing to take a young boy along with the girl of his dreams. He tried his hardest to fill that role of a father and probably never realized how well he did. He wasn't perfect, but he did his best and now can enjoy all the blessings a real father deserves. I am eternally grateful for this man and the joys he has brought to me, my mother and my brothers and sister and my wife and children. I hope he knows what a great father he really is.

Children's Prayers

Well, I know I have said it before, but I just love listening to the prayers of my children. It is so amazing to watch their world open up before them and what things they are thankful for. Malik loves to pray that people (including Heavenly Father, Jesus, dead prophets etc...) will be "good". I think it is great that he wants things and people to be good. He is now praying for the moon and the stars and the clouds. His prayers stay consistent for a few weeks, then he mixes them up a little, but he always prays for everyone to be good.

Jarek's prayers, when he is taking the time to really say them, are so thoughtful and heartfelt. I believe he is so much like Bret in that he knows he is praying to God. A lot of kids his age still just pray because that is what they are told to do.

Jarek was taking a walk with me yesterday and we were talking about praying. For some reason we started talking about when he gets married (oh yeah, he wants to get married before Malik and that is what sparked the conversation). I asked him what kind of girl he wants to marry and he said that she has to be a Mormon and pretty. I asked him how he would know if he should marry her. And he thought for a minute and said "well, because I will be in love with her". I said that is good to be in love, but sometimes we don't always marry the person that we are first in love with. Then he said, "Well, I will pray about it then." I told him that is exactly what he should do. He asked if Bret and I prayed about getting married and I told him we did. I asked him what he thought would happen if you didn't pray about who you should marry. He said that probably we wouldn't be as happy as we should be. We talked about how even when Bret and I get mad at each other, we can always think back on when we prayed to the Lord if we should get married and know that our prayers were answered. I think he was thinking about this because I had a friend over who's marriage isn't doing too well. We were talking and you know how kids can listen in! She was telling me how neither her nor her husband had really prayed to see if they should get married. They both just figured that it was the next step they should take and wanted to get married. Anyhow, we (Jarek and I) talked about how when we don't ask the Lord about very important decisions, we have a higher chance of not being as happy as we could be. He was a little worried because of the love thing, but then he said, and I was amazed that he would think this at his age, "Well mom, I guess we can love a lot of people, and I should wait to find the one I love and that Heavenly father wants me to love, there has to be a perfect match for me and I will get her."He is amazing. :)

I love talking about these important things with my children. It is an amazing experience to be a parent.

men and books

did you hear on the news the report that most men after high school don't read a single book? and 85% of books are purchased by women. I am glad my boys all read! keep jarek and malik in the habit. :0

St. Louis Trip

So I thought I'd tell everyone about how my trip to St. Louis went and then this'll count as my journal entry for it and I can stop feeling guilty that I haven't written in my journal about it yet. :)

So Nicole and I arrived in St. Louis Thursday night after an uneventful flight. We got the grand tour of my parents' new kitchen, planned our activities for the next day, and then everyone but Nicole and I went to bed. Dang time difference. So I set up the Wii (I took our's with me to show it off to the family) and played Paper Mario until I was tired enough to sleep.
Friday morning we were off to the zoo with my parents, Nicole, my sister Wendy and her four kids. We met my sister Karen and her husband David and their four kids at the zoo a little later that day, which was when I learned that I was the last to find out that she's pregnant again. Apparently what happened is my mom told Nicole and just assumed that Nicole would tell me. Well, Nicole thought mom would tell me and didn't think to mention it. Needless to say, she's due in October. And then while we were on the subject, I also learned I was the last to know that my brother Michael's girlfriend Sarah is also pregnant and due in August. Same train of miscommunication for that information. So yeah, basically, everyone in my family with functioning reproductive systems is having babies except for me. Meh.

Ok, it's really not that bad and this post is supposed to be about my trip to St. Louis and not my lack of fruit in the womb, so I'll stop whining now. I really am happy for all my siblings to be having babies and what-not. So the zoo actually was pretty fun. It wasn't too warm and it was cloudy, so for St. Louis, it was a pretty nice day. After the zoo it was back to my parents' house for lunch and then some clothes shopping with Nicole and my mom. Found some cute shirts at a second hand store that I like. After that we introduced the family to the Wii. My parents had already seen it at my oldest brother's house but the kids loved it. I think my brother-in-law David loved it the most though. We spent the rest of the night relaxing and playing with the kids.

Saturday morning we took the kids to Chuck E. Cheese, half of which was the first time for them. Let's just say I went there to compete for the best aunt in the universe award and I think I won. :) It was really fun for the kids and for us to see them having so much fun. We got some cute pictures and made some really good memories. After that, all of us non-grandparents and non-grandkids went to see Pirates (which was the first time I saw it). Some of us loved it and some of us didn't. I think everyone knows how I feel about it already. If you don't, here's a clue: I cried. A lot. And they were not happy tears. Moving on, my sisters and David and I went to dinner at Chipotle! They finally got a Chipotle in St. Louis, which might actually tip the scales enough for Jacob to consider going there with me sometime before my parents move or die. Then Wendy and Nicole and I went shopping at the cooler mall (i.e. the one with the store where I have a gift card) and I found 3 adorable dresses at the Macy's dress sale. Since I couldn't pick, I just got all 3. :) I very much had the intention to take 2 of the 3 back after I had some more time to think about it and after Jacob had seen pictures of me in them, but well, those intentions took a permenant vacation.

Sunday we just lazed around (my parents have afternoon church) and Nicole got to show off her plumbing skills. My mom dropped some random peice of jewelry down the sink and Nicole got it out. In the process, she discovered that my parents' sink had a leak. I think that was the part that most impressed my dad considering he hadn't even noticed it. Since my mom is now in the nursery, I got to just hang out in there with my youngest nephew, Jesse. I think the other nursery leaders (who didn't know me before I left home) were a little confused because I wasn't his mom and yet I was there...it was more fun than Sunday School though, I'm quite sure. :) Sunday night we sang around the piano for about four hours, which might not sound like fun to some people. But of all my memories from my younger years, singing around the piano on Sunday nights is one of my favorites. That was a lot of fun. Then we just sat around and talked until about 2 am (which is very, very late for my parents).

Monday Nicole was busy fixing the sink where she discovered the leak and my dad was helping her, so I played DDR and just relaxed and packed. We left Monday afternoon and after another uneventful flight, I was safely back in Jacob's arms. Overall, it was a very good trip. I missed Jacob, obviously, but it was fun. I am very happy to say that despite precedent and Jacob's predictions, we watched no movies at home. The only one we saw was Pirates and that was a planned activity and at the theater. Though after I found out that the last time my parents were at the movies was the see Return of the King, I'm really wishing I would have made them come with us.

Cinderella

Yesterday I was doing laundry and cleaning the house and in the middle of making lunch for the kids when Malik looked up at me and asked "mom, are you Cinderella?" I asked him why he would think that and he said, "because you do all the work." It made me laugh. He is so cute.

My Birthday and the Gila Monster

Friday was my 33rd birthday. What a wonderful day it was. I didn't take off of work, but I did leave a little early. The night before I had opened my gifts from my parents. They gave me a wonderful adidas shirt, a great button up shirt and tie and a Paul Cardall CD, who happens to be a friend I grew up with in Utah. They were generous and personal. I am actually listening to the CD right now and it is beautiful. Thank you mom and dad.

We were fortunate enough to have Jacob Webb and Mille and their daughter down so Friday night we ordered some Taco Bell and had a fun evening. Tevia got me some adidas Indiana Pacers shoes. They are awesome. Jarek got me some coupons which were hidden all over the house for giving me a massage and helping me with stretches. I am so lucky to have such a great family. We played RAGE with Jacob and Millie and Risa and I was able to pull off a win on my birthday. It was fun. We topped off the night with some Dairy Queen cake and Simpsons.

Saturday we got up early as it was Tevia's grandmother's 70th birthday. She was having a party up in Globe, AZ so we got up and on the way stopped at Boyce Thompson Arboretum. It was beautiful as we saw many birds and plants. The coolest part of that trip was hearing Jarek say, "hey, I see a gila monster." Most of us were incredulous as we had never seen a gila monster, but sure enough there was a gila monster! We went down to get a closer look. It was so cool. Tevia took some pics and I'll try to post it on here later. Gila monsters, though poisonous, are extremely slow, so we weren't too worried. It was a lot of fun.

The birthday for Tevia's grandmother was nice as we saw a lot of family we haven't seen in a long time. It was a great birthday weekend.

unprepared for test

I administered an 8th grade social studies 2 hour statewide test yesterday at WJ High. there was a fairly good-looking boy, who just sat and stared most of the time. when one of us 4 teachers walked by, (yes, 4 to a class of 28, how ridiculous), he would kind of pretend to write something. I took a look at the test. soooo easy! I could answer every question, and I haven't read a s studies book in years. there were pictures of lots of people standing in line in 1929 or so, and the question was, "what are these people standing in line for?" now, I have seen that pic hundreds of times. it was a soup line in the depression, and, they are studying the depression. duh. who wouldn't know that.
back to my topic. the poor kid looked pretty sad. I think it hit him that he was now suffering the consequences of not preparing for the test, even in the smallest way by paying attention in class.
later, I administered a math test. same reaction to another cute, athletic type guy. he looked lost, not bored. he looked sad, not rebellious. all his friends were busily writing away. he didn't know any of the answers.
I quickly paralled this to our life. we are continuously being tested. we are here to prepare. the next world is just a continuation of what we have learned. if we don't prepare now, we are going to look and feel so stupid when we pass on to that world, if we pass.
the boy's look of confusion and bewilderment was sad to me. he had the same chance to prepare as the others. he had the same teachers, the same books, albeit, maybe different trials at home. we all have different trials here, but we all have the same opportunity. the Lord makes sure of that. he had to face the consequences, and for the moment, they were sad for him,... but I would bet not much later he was over it.
we will all have to face our consequences. what will we say when some angel at the next gate says, why didn't we read our scriptures? etc.
this could be a great talk. I want all of you to know the answers. I want all of you to pass!

Disappearing Bees

Colony Collapse Disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
This has been pretty big news in AZ and now I saw this in Wikipedia today. Interesting article. I also found it odd that beekeepers make more money renting their bees for pollination than for honey. Makes sense, but never thought of it.

My quick two cents

About Pirates, I liked it... for the most part. I can see how some people would fall asleep, and there were some parts that were entirely too cheesy (the wedding)... ALTHOUGH... it would probably be a wedding I wouldn't mind being at... better than any other bore-fest I've had to attend (don't worry Millie, I'm not talking about our wedding).

I too have heard several people say how they had a hard time following the plot and understanding the accents... not sure how that's possible... they are all speaking English after all... meh.

Anyway... I agree overall, it was a good movie. But... the end scene after the credits was not worth staying for. bleh.

birthday ideas and hints,

Not that I expect anything, but., there are a few things I want. new scripture case, but a really cool one. money for a hanging flower basket, $15. will do, a new toaster, or a small toaster oven that fits well on the counter, or money to buy one, $33. target, 29. kmart. Gift certificate for Borders or Barnes and Noble.

Tevia, did I tell you that the one necklace you made me, (brown), is too tight. if you could bring some (or buy some here) additional links to add to it?

Bret, hope you are having a good birthday week!

Jarek's just keeps growing up.

So, yesterday Jarek decided to fast for the first time. Neither Bret nor I put the idea in his head and I told him he really didn't have to if he didn't want to, but he was determined. We told him the when we fast, we fast with a purpose, not just to go without food. So he fasted for my sister Risa. He wants her to get married. While we were in sacrament meeting, I passed a water bottle to Malik and then Jarek accidentally took a sip. He realized what he had done and got very upset and worried that his fast wouldn't count since he took a drink. He got very teary-eyed and my heart was so sad for him. I explained that sometimes we forget and make a mistake like that (I told him that sometimes Bret forgets and will accidentally take a drink after he brushes his teeth) and we just apologize to the Lord and then start from that point on with a new resolve not to forget again. He was comforted after that and did a good job fasting.

It is so amazing seeing him grow up. We just switched the rooms around and let him have his own room for the summer. Malik and Enok are in the bigger room and Jarek is in Enok's old room. Jarek loves it and Malik hates it. Malik has been so sad that he has nobody to talk to and he is so lonely. Jarek loves not having Malik in the same room to pester him. I can understand how they both feel. So last night, after Malik was particularly sad, Jarek went into his room and gave him a big hug and a kiss and told him that he loved him. Malik was still sad, but I think it meant a lot to him. Jarek is a very good big brother to Malik.

And I have to say that Malik is a very good big brother to Enok. He really takes good care of him.I have the most wonderful children ever!

Pirates and Food Wars

So we finally got to go see Pirates III (Tevia and I). It was a great date as she got the babysitter and we headed up to see the movie. I was excited to see it, but had read some of the mixed reviews (including ones right on this blog!). I had loved the first one, enjoyed the second one even more, and so had high hopes for the third, but was cautious seeing how some people hated it and I heard of more than one person falling asleep in the movie.

In the end: I loved it! I am not sure if all of us are seeing the same movie. First of all, a few people including Tommy and Risa, had mentioned it was a hard plot to follow. I didn't find this to be true. It seemed to flow very well for me. I think that perhaps some people literally just don't understand what is being said due to the accents. I was captivated from the first scene and loved so many of the performances. Johnny Depp was fantastic as usual, but in this film he had some competition. Geoffrey Rush was amazing as Captain Barbosa - even better than in the first film. I loved, once again, Tia Dalma as her persona steals each scene she is in. Even Davey Jones is amazing and performs well in his dramatic scenes. Hey, I even enjoyed the monkey Jack after hating him in the previous two. I see today that it retained its #1 ranking this weekend which I think will be a surprise to most people. But I thought the film was entertaining and, for a sequel, different. Each film brings new things in this series and this film adds an air of mystery and "Alias-ness" to it. Keira Knightley, after not being impressed with her in the second film, returns in this film with flair and some hotness. She looked mighty fine and tan in this movie which adds a nice dessert for the fine meal that At World's End was. I liked the ending as it was not predictable and made sense. I also enjoyed the setup for a possible fourth film which I am sure will happen. If you stayed til the end, which I doubt most of you did, I also enjoyed the final scene with Will and Keira's kid. Orlando Bloom will never be a great actor, but he certainly does well in fantasy roles where he has to look brave and confident. Legolas and Will Turner were great roles for him.

Last week, or perhaps the week before, Jarek was in a play at his school. The play was called Food Wars and was a spoof on Star Wars that takes place in a food shop. They had tryouts for the parts and Jarek tried out for Dark Chocolate - the equivalent of our fallen Jedi. He did not get the part, but was then asked to be Fruit Juicedrinker (Luke Skywalker). I was so proud of him and saw how he practiced his lines so hard. As I attended the performance the morning before I went to Dayton, Ohio, it was so fun to see him perform. Tevia did a great job on his costume. He was the only one who had all of his lines memorized (with a substantial part) and, besides Darth Chocolate, was really the only kid who understood how to use his voice as a tool to show emotion, humor and emphasis. He got the most laughs from the audience. Later that day apparently he was asked to give his autograph to a few people, which when he told us said that people had given him their autograph. He is a talented child and I'm so glad to have him in our family.

cape cod!

I am so excited about the upcoming trip! it will be great being together. I have some fun ideas for the kids.

"I drive a Dodge Stratus!!"... almost.

Over the past couple of weeks Millie and I have been actively searching for a new (used) car for our growing family. The need for one has become greater since Millie passed her NCLEX exam and has officially earned her LPN Certification!!! That means she'll be looking for, then starting a new job soon!

Our criteria for the new car was simple:
Midsize
Somewhat fuel efficient
Dependable
Affordable
Cute

According to Millie we got all but the last one. But to me, the 2004 Crystler Sebring (AKA Dodge Stratus) is perfect.

It is a Midsize four cylinder, that, for being a domestic car, doesn't get THAT bad of gas mileage. After running countless Carfax reports on countless other vehicles this one made me most at ease... and the fact that it was a certified pre-owned and still under a warranty made the "affordable" part of the deal all the more sweeter. As for the "cute" part... well... I like how they look. Maybe not AS much as some of the other cars we looked at... but considering the cost difference, I think we'll both survive... and Millie seems to agree. :)

pirates

who's all going to pirates? tom went at 11 pm thursday night all the way to danbury with Boomer and his friends, got home at 3am, and went to school. he said it was long and kind of had lots of plots so hard to follow that late at night. dad is taking kathy to the 4:30 showing today. they have asked me, but I fell asleep in the last one. I don't like all the fighting and ugly creatures. I will stay home and make desserts for YW Medallion night tomorrow night. tom is at westpoint today. he had to leave here at 4:30am to get there in time to serve with the scouts at the concession stand for the graduation. VP Cheney is speaking, and security is tight. they had to be there before 7am, even though the speech started at 9. there was a lockdown after 7am. they even called to get all the scout's s security numbers.

Change is good....

It's been a while since I've MADE time to blog. I am now sitting in my new office and approaching two weeks in my new position. It didn't bring much in the way of a pay raise (I'll be getting $4,000 more annually) which I think translates as a loss in pay thanks to Uncle Sam... but to me, that's not the important thing... this is: I will no longer be the "go to" guy (or more accurately the office... uh... B****).

It was getting so stressful carrying the weight of the administration tasks of this rapidly growing company without being recognized for what I was really accomplishing. Now as I gradually pass my duties off to other employees (yes, plural), I realize no one in this company really knew what it was I did. And how could they? They were blinded by human nature and egocentric attitudes. Just about EVERYONE in the company flashes around a "Director of such and such" title or in some cases can't see past the rear of whosoever butt they happen to be kissing.

BUT, is it THEIR fault I was in the position I was? No. I too was just as caught up in my self pity for being overlooked for promotions or pay raises as they are in kissing rear and thinking so highly of themselves.

I think the point of this goes back to what Bret (I think it was Bret) blogged about a while back... mental attitude and personal confidence. I think I set a limitation on myself as "office manager" and was too caught up in focusing on my importance to the company in that role that I was preventing the powers-that-be (including myself) from allowing me to grow and advance. My mental attitude was piss-poor at best on some days, grumbling about my overworked and underpaid lifestyle, and my confidence was all but shot from living in fear of the possibility that, IF I did get a new job and title in the company I would move from being constantly relied upon by all for answers and solutions, to having to ASK for help.

Change is good.

fight in the street

Dad, Ann Rawlings, and I were driving home from a trek meeting in Newburgh and were in the village of Wappingers on 9d. It was about 9:15 and dark. she notices some people crouching over in a side street as we drove by. as she tried to look closer, she observed one of the guys was punching something on the ground in the middle of the street. it took her a moment to realize it was a person. she calmly told us that she thought she saw someone punching someone in the street. dad turned around as quickly as he could. he turned on his brites as we approached the side street. dad and Ann saw someone running away. Ann saw one large man, dad thinks he saw 2 men. it all happened so fast. I was busy looking in my purse for my cell, and I called 911. the guy in the street slowly got up to his knees. dad got out of the car. the guy's face was all bloody. he then tried to stand. he was wobbly. the police came quickly, ( I thought so, dad thinks they took a while). the corner of the street was a bar. the owner came out and the hurt guy went in, along with dad. Ann and I stayed in the car and locked the doors. they knew the guy that had gotten hurt, and he was drunk. they think he knew at least one of the men that beat him up. then he passed out. an ambulnce came. the cops came out and took Ann's statement, phone number, and license number. they told her they would call her for a more formal statement. she really didn't see all that much. it was kind of strange to see it happening in the middle of the street. the guy was lucky that no cars had come up right then, as he was laying down and totally dark. dad said the guy's face was pretty bad. sad world.

I hate the Spurs

What a great game last night! I haven't been so nervous about a game in a long time. It was fantastic. I almost turned the game off. Glad I didn't. But what a way for the league to ruin a great game and run by suspending two of the Suns for a ridiculous rule after a completely cheap foul. I understand rules are rules, but the NBA needs to understand that such a black & white rule will lead to unfairness. Now the dirty team that committed the terrible foul will only have one role player out. Two of the Suns players, who did nothing but stand up in concern for their team leader, are out and are key players. Which team got the better deal? I still have hope the Suns can beat the Spurs in 7, but if they lose it will be a direct effect from this terrible call.

And go Jazz! They've been a fun team to watch. Sloan is a genius.

bluebirds

thanks to a wonderful previous mothers day gift, I get to enjoy bluebirds every year. we have 3 eggs today, 3 yesterday. it is weird that they lay one egg at a time like that. we usually get 4 or 5. I will check and see if there is one more tomorrow. the nest has bluebird eggs in it, but it is not the usual bluebird nest. it is really messy. they usually build very neat, round nests. strange.
I was hoping for a hummingbird feeder this mothers day. hint to tom.

Black vs White - Save $

I read a pretty cool article the other day that talked about how a website with a white background uses about 74 Watts to display while a site with a black background only uses about 59 Watts. A reduction of about 15 Watts. The article went on to say that if Google, which happens to be the most visited site in the world and has a white background, would change its background to black it could save 3,000 Megawatt-hours per year. Though the article was certainly from a "save the world" point of view, the idea is interesting. In my efforts to save you some money and reduce my effect on the world via this blog, I'm going back to black for a while. You can see that though Google hasn't responded, a new site called blackle.com has basically taken Google's search and put it in on a black page. Also, Firefox has now added some extensions to change white sites to black. I've always been a fan of the black background for many things (even my desktop at times which I change frequently).

trip to UT

Tevia, have a great time! Bret, you too! call us and play with us once you have the kids locked up somewhere and under control... :) mom

tennis season

Tom and his partner, Harry Yee, went undefeated this year! they beat Arlington last night after a gruelling long first set tie-breaker. then they found their nitch and creamed them, 6-1. Tom was in tip-top shape, and getting his first serves in with great speed. the newspaper was there taking pics. today, there is a big article about the rivalry of the two high-schools, and that ketcham won. but after taking tons of pics of tom and harry, there is a pic of an arlington guy. and although they do note that tom and harry won, they don't even mention that they went undefeated. he now gets to play in the tournament on friday.

The Brick Testament

The Brick Testament

Pretty funny stuff. Pretty accurate, too. What better way to teach your kids the Bible than making the stories out of LEGO? Read Esau's Birthright - it's pretty good.

The Mormons - PBS Special

I'm not sure if everyone was able to watch this PBS special, but we did and we also taped it (in case anyone would want it - but it is also available online @ http://www.pbs.org/mormons/view/).

I definitely liked the second night better than the first, but I would say that overall the series was positive for the Church. But as I watched it I knew that many members of the Church would not find it positive at all - and in fact many would feel quite uncomfortable and even angry. In fact, the program actually touched upon the reason why this would happen, though to a much larger extreme. I felt that this program was definitely marketed toward and was based upon the opinions of older generations. As I watched it I told Tevia I would be curious to see a program based more on GenX or GenY. Many of the things they mentioned might be true (or perhaps a better term would be "common") for things mentioned, but for the younger generations I don't think it is as big of a deal. A couple of examples would be excommunication and homosexuality. They had several examples of members who were shunned due to their excommunication or same-sex attraction. Though certainly this occurs today, I do think it is much more rare. I certainly don't shun any of the people I know in that situation. In fact, I would love them even more. Anybody who would shun someone in that situation does not listen to the current prophet who has made it quite clear on numerous occasions of the error to act in such a way. Indeed, it wouldn't be Christ-like either. And yes, we are Christians.

I also think that many members do suffer from paranoia or fear of history. Perhaps the Church has helped support this, but there is nothing wrong with questioning. There is nothing wrong with learning that a prophet of God is not perfect. They certainly were not in the Bible! The key to the Church is a testimony that is given by the Holy Ghost; not in evidence from Mayan culture or Brigham's thoughts on blacks. In fact, the program aired one of the great talks of Pres. Hinckley over the past few years where he emphatically states the one thing our religion hinges upon. Either the Book of Mormon is true and hence this religion is exactly what it asserts or it is false and the entire religion is a farce. It is so simple. As missionaries we pound this into our investigators and hopefully we have taken the time ourselves to find out the veracity of the book and the prophet Joseph. But if I know it is true (which I do!) knowing that Joseph Smith liked to dig for gold will not shake my testimony. In fact, nothing should. Of course, our testimonies will grow and shrink over our lifetime. But Mormons should not fear history or lack of scientific evidence, etc. On the program the one man put it perfect when he said it is merely a question of time. All religions are built upon unbelievable and miraculous happenings. The Exodus is respected (by many) because it happened thousands of years ago. Mormonism is so "new" and close that it is more difficult to believe due solely to that fact. Had Joseph lived in 1000 AD I don't think most critics or even members would think twice.

I do feel the program spent a little too much time on polygamy and the Mountain Meadow Massacre. Not sure why they needed an entire hour for those two topics. Some of the people on the show made me laugh. Sarah Gordon made me chuckle every time she came on with her crazy hair and way of speaking; though she also seemed very positive toward the Church. Most impressive to me was Terryl Givens (wrote "By the Hand of Mormon" - great read by the way - thanks to Jake for that) who throughout the whole show I thought was Mormon until I figured out who he was. Marlin Jensen did fantastic and actually got the most airtime, which I thought was generous of Helen Whitney who produced the show. I did think that unfortunately Elder Packer came off a little on the rough side (though he only had 20 seconds or so of time) with his response to his quote on gays and scholars.

Most impressive I thought was the ending. It was ended on a very positive note AND a very unique thought. The guy they quote (and I have forgotten who it was) mentioned that all religions were created to defy the inevitable death. He then states that no religion defies and flat out denies death more than the Mormons. I would agree. We truly are unique in our belief of a plan of salvation and an infinite existence. More so than any religion I know of I would also agree we have overcome the fear of death and actually embraced it as almost a reward. It was a great point I had never thought of before.

I'd love to hear your thoughts. As mentioned, I don't think many others will feel as positive about it (though the Church itself did in their press release here).

I thought it was a great tool to talk about the Church with others. For some good blogs, check out this site in the Washington Post.

Everyone's got something

It is kind of interesting talking to women who have children. I am discovering more and more that almost everyone I come in contact with that has children, have children that has "issues". Now this can range from speech problems, developmental problems, sensory problems, physical problem, psychological problems, behavioral problems, the list goes on and on. Everyone has a therapist of one kind or another. Growing up, I didn't really know many people or kids that had any of these problems, but now it seems to be a normal occurrence that one or many of the children in families have these issues.

Some people are chalking it up to poor environmental conditions, pesticides, bad air quality etc... Some people say it is because more and more women are having children at an older age and therefore have a higher chance of having children with these problems.
Still others say that we are letting too many people survive with these problems and/or diseases and this is making our gene pool quite weak. (We are forcing people to spend more time in the "shallow end of the gene pool" to quote The Lion King)
Another contributing factor to some of these issues (mostly the behavioral one) is because parents aren't being parents. They are having everyone else raise their children.

I think it is a combination of all these factors. Is there much we can do about it? I don't know, I am not a scientist and I haven't done any research into this. All I know is what I am seeing. So many women I know have at least one child who has one or multiple problems. It seems like a sad, scary trend for children. Should we still be bringing these children into our families. Absolutely. I wouldn't trade the experiences and things I have learned having Jarek and Malik for anything in the world. It is nice to see and understand the big picture. I can be stressed and worried for a time, but I know that the struggles here on earth are but a short time. My kids are wonderful, and they will have wonderful lives and in the end it doesn't matter what physical limitations they have, because we know their spiritual potential!

Enok's new trick

Okay, so Enok has reached a new milestone. This morning I walked into his room and he was standing up in his crib! I was shocked, then started laughing. So I had to move the crib mattress down as that is the general rule when they start standing up. "They" also recommend to take down any mobiles, but I left his up because he loves it and the mattress is really pretty low. He can't yet reach the mobile with the mattress down on the lowest setting.

It is fun seeing him hit all the "normal" milestones. Time to start moving things off of shelves that he will be able to reach at standing height now.

Fett Clan Miis

Enok
Bret
Tevs
Malik
Jarek

The best Mii ever!!!

Here is my Mii. Jacob's looks more like him than mine does like mine.
We made one for ELLERY too.

My Mii!!!!

That was a pretty cool link Bret! Thanks, it made for a good date night, cause when you got a lil stink butt like CJ it's hard to get out for a "real" date! :)

Here I am!!

A Nice Surprise

We have all been talking about the degradation of our society but I had a very nice thing happen to me and the kids yesterday. I had to stop by the grocery store right after PT to grab a few items for dinner. On the way out to the car an old man stopped me and shoved $15 bucks into my hand and said that he wanted me to take my kids to get ice cream. He said he had three little grandkids and didn't get to see them very often and seeing my kids made him miss his. So he insisted that I take them to get ice cream, his treat. I know there are good people in this world, it is just nice to see it first hand. This experience gave me the opportunity to talk to Jarek and Malik about how it made them feel about the kindness of this man to our family. It made me think of that movie, "Pay it Forward", and I in turn had a greater desire to do something kind for someone I didn't know. I just wanted to share that with all of you.

BTW, I made an AWESOME dinner last night. I made this Thai-style tilapia served with a seven grain rice mix and a strawberry spinach salad! Soooooooooo yummy. The kids just had grilled cheese and tomato soup, but Jarek at least tried the fish.

Create your Wii

For those of us who don't have a Wii or time to create a Mii on the Wii. We should then post all of our own Miis!

Mii Editor: Create and Edit Mii Characters for your Nintendo Wii™

Guns and Statistics

This article is a great example of how not to trust statistics, and a good addition to our gun talk.

The Numbers Guy - WSJ.com

Current Events - My 2 Cents

Life seems to be slowing down a little here at the Wall homestead (in Phoenix, that is). But time still has been slim around the compy. So I thought I'd start things this week with my view on a few things happening in the world.

NBA Playoffs: these started off great this weekend. San Antonio lost, the Suns won, Dallas lost. The only thing that could have made it better was to have the Pacers make the playoffs (dang you Dunleavy!) and the Jazz win (mostly for pops). I am looking forward to this year's playoffs. There are a few good teams out there and I believe the Suns have a legitimate chance. Good to see the Brazilian score 26 and 6th man of the year.

Alec Baldwin's voicemail: I'm not sure why this is news, especially since this just doesn't seem that remarkable to me. Was it a harsh voicemail? Sure. Should he have said those things to his daughter? Of course not. But do almost all parents say things like that at some point in their lives? YES! Even my wonderful parents have said stupid, mean, if not absurd things to me when I was young. And I probably, though not always, deserved it. Give this guy a break and stay out of his life. I'm not a big Baldwin fan, though I do find him hilarious in 30 Rock!

Virginia Tech Shootings: When I first heard of this during the week I of course thought back on Columbine. I remember watching with awe as the images and story unfolded. It was horrific and sad and terrible and so many things. As I watched this week I admit I wasn't as surprised or horrified. I'm not sure if I have been desensitized or if we just see so much of this stuff now, but it just didn't seem as big of a deal as I think it should be. Maybe because it was a college and not a high school. I'm not sure. But the thing I did grasp from this, especially after watching the shooter's videos, is that this is not the end of this sort of thing. Our country has changed and we have become a violent, ungrateful, and mean society. We will continue to breed people like Cho by making fun of them and truly taking for granted what we have. He looked up to the Columbine boys and more will look up to him as well. As a country we have learned to pull ethnicities together (to an extent) but continue to distance other groups. The rich become richer and, as I believe the shooter points out correctly, they are losing their morals and humility. We think we deserve everything including instant gratification and no morals.

I am an optimist, but in this area I think we will see more take place. We are a breeding ground for people like Cho. And if we don't provide them our support and they perhaps aren't getting it from home then some will go crazy and go off. It is frightening as a parent to know that things like this can happen. But I don't think we can avoid it. In my opinion, and I know that MANY will disagree with me, I do think we need stronger gun laws. I am not opposed to guns, but if we can limit availability of hand guns and automatic weapons I think we can avoid the large number of casualties. It ain't so easy to shoot from the hip and reload quickly with a deer rifle or shotgun. But anybody who has played GoldenEye or any worse video game can aim, fire and quickly reload a handgun. If Cho had a rifle or shotgun there is no way he could have killed so many people so quickly. I'm not sure why gun enthusiasts are so supportive of hand guns. A good rifle will work for hunting and self protection if that is what you want it for. I was saddened by all of the families affected by this tragedy, including Cho's family. Our world is changing and we need to be more aware. We learned from 9/11 the need to sacrifice a few for the good of the many. The same will need to take place in situations like this. We need more heroes. We need more kindness. I am the first to look introspectively and see that, outside of work, I am not an openly friendly person. I mind my own business in most cases. I need to smile more and wave and introduce myself. I shouldn't be afraid or think they want nothing to do with me. We need to build communities again. We need to create bonds. Only then can we reduce the risk of more tragedies like this.

Abandoned @ Work

Anyone want a job? Some of you may know that many things have changed at my work. I know have a title of "Director of Client Services," have US domestic clients as well as my international clients, have a new boss, etc. And over the past two weeks I have had several people quit/leave my team. Yesterday my associate manager (assistant to the manager?) quit to go home to be an at home dad. A noble cause certainly, but I am down more than 5 people. Yes, I have a team of 25 now, but that is still a good 20% rate of turnover in the past couple of months.

So am I the worst boss in the world? Is that what has brought this on? I don't think so. In fact, most of my employees that leave stay in touch with me for years after moving on. Many have gone on to promotions as well. On a positive note it is always nice to start with new players. You have the ability to mold them and they bring excitement to the team. The hardest will be replacing my team lead/manager. He has been my right-hand guy for nearly 2 years. I have plenty of worthy people to take his place, but there is always so much political stuff to work out. If you hire so-and-so then what's-her-face complains to HR that it wasn't fair. I hate that stuff. I honestly don't know who to choose. I have about 3 or 4 employees in mind. We'll see what happens. I will make sure I have some fellow managers in the interviews so there is no complaint of bias. Just recently I received a call from Pru internal investigations investigating a complaint of bias/prejudice for the promotion of someone last year. Fortunately I didn't make the decision and was just asked to provide my information and data (which is highly confidential). But the correct choice was made - and yet still so many people have to be subjected to scrutiny just to MAKE SURE. I know that some people are biased and make choices based on things that perhaps they should not, but at some point people have to stop being sore losers.

So if you know anyone in AZ who is looking for a job, let me know.

BSG - Thoughts

OK, I know not everyone watches Battlestar and I know that of those who do, not everyone has finished the season. The link below was something I read which sheds some light on where the series might be going. And interestingly enough, it seems back on the old Mormon theology track. Now, I have not seen the original series, except for a few memories from childhood. After reading this I really want to Netflix them and check them out. The biggest thing that stood out from this fan observation is the pic which has the words "You are now what we once were." This is referring to the beings of light. This would be such an awesome direction to bring the show! Could Starbuck be a being of light?

For those who haven't seen the season, stop reading at this point. My thoughts on the end of this season are mixed. There were a few fantastic episodes that I loved. One poignant scene that stands out is when Roslin is on the stand and Apollo starts going down the path that she may be taking that one substance again. I love the part, which she does with such emotion, as she whispers to him "Don't do this." You can feel the pain in her and her disappointment in him.

I also enjoyed the use of Bob Dylan's "All Along the Watchtower" song as part of the finale. That was pretty cool. It will be very interesting indeed to see where next season, which appears to be the last, will end up. If it follows the path of the link's speculation, I will be very happy. I am hoping the first few episodes, which at this point we have to wait until 2008, will be as awesome as the first few of this season. The Adama Maneuver was so amazing and stunning that the episode itself made this season great. Check out the link.

http://proggrrl.livejournal.com/7830.html

Oh the injustice of it all...

I was witness to a very sad, disturbing thing today. I was in the project potential class today helping grade papers. Now understand that these students are the "gifted" students in the school. Today, Jarek's age group (there is the older and younger age groups and they are split yet again into math and reading throughout the day) for reading were given an assignment to work with a partner (who was assigned to them) and create a dialog together. They had about 30 minutes to work on this. The teacher then went around the room and asked each pair to read their dialog to the class. When it was Jarek's turn, he promptly read his sentence he had written which was "Ian, what is your favorite movie?" to which Ian replied "My favorite movie is, I like to drink milk." Some of the kids snickered, and Mrs. Miles asked them if they had more dialog. When they said "no" she started to yell and ask why they were wasting time and how could they be so bad and waste all that time and only have two sentences. I sat back and tried not to get too emotional. But wait, it gets worse. (As Jarek was leaving I asked him why they only got two sentences and he said because he was trying to discuss with the other boy that his answer wasn't correct because he was just making it up. You all know how Jarek strives to get things correct no matter what.)

Between classes, Mrs. Miles informed me that this kid, Ian, was a trouble child. He had already gotten in trouble by her at morning recess because he brought a digi-pet to school and the kids aren't allowed to have those at school. She told him to put it away and not take it out again. So later that morning, he has another class with her and as he is waiting in the hall he is playing with his digi-pet. She comes unglued. Here is what happened next:

She brings him into the classroom with a great display of noise and promptly, and a bit forcefully sat him down right in front of me. She then said "Mrs. Wall, can you tell him how you felt about the fact that he wasted 30 minutes of time in the last class and was only able to come up with one sentence." This was done totally in front of his peers and quite loudly as well. I felt very uncomfortable and put on the spot. The look in this kids eyes broke my heart. I tried to be fair and tactful. I said, it was a little disappointing that he only did one sentence, and maybe next time he could try a little harder. Mrs. Miles then took the next ten minutes to berate, belittle and humiliate this child in front of me and in front of his peers. I was so embarrassed and sick in my heart for this boy. He just looked at Mrs. Miles with a glazed look on his face and you could tell that he was somewhere far away escaping the embarrassment. She then made him call his dad in front of the class and explain why he was in trouble. I left there so upset and on the verge of tears. I have always known she has a short temper, and singles kids out that are more problematic, but this was way too much to involve a parent volunteer. I am mustering up the courage to confront her with how it made me feel and that I think she handled the situation very poorly.

I don't care how "bad" or obnoxious or ADD or whatever a kid is, there is no reason in this world to humiliate a child, especially in front of his or her peers. I guess although Mrs. Miles has shown a bit of favoritism toward my child, and has been of huge value to our family in getting Jarek very good teachers, I have to say that I am somewhat relieved that she is retiring. She is a good person, just sometimes not very effective in how she motivates, encourages or understands the kids in her class. Nobody is perfect. I know this. I was just shocked and embarrassed at how this situation unfolded. It has given me a new resolve to be an even better parent and to help my children understand even more how valuable and precious they are. I feel very deeply sorry for all the children who don't have parents that give them the support, stability and confidence they need to truly succeed in school and life. Oh the injustice of it all.......

Longing for foreign lands

The last few months I have really been itching to have more international opportunities, especially in my career. I've talked about it with Tevia and it still is an important goal in our lives. So I have been preparing to make some sort of move by networking and pleading my case at work. I am hoping to have a talk with my boss (he says in the next week or two) soon to discuss my desires. I am going to be open and honest and say that international opportunities are important to my personal and family goals. Ideally these options would come from Prudential as I love my job and company. I have several ideas that would fulfill my desires on different levels. Obviously a long-term expatriate assignment would be ideal and a short-term one almost as good. But I am willing to settle for occasional visits for short periods of time to the other offices. In each situation I can provide value propositions for Prudential that I could bring as well as show that it would help in my career progression and make me even more valuable than I already am to Prudential.

Another option would be to go and work locally at one of our foreign offices. This isn't ideal as I would have to move myself (and family), but in speaking with my good friends/colleagues in China we could make it work. There will be several options in our Hong Kong office over the next year that the VP there would love for me to take. They would sponsor my work permit and help our family find housing, etc. The tax rate in HK is only 15% so we could have some substantial savings on taxes to help address the slightly higher cost of living. This option is something I am working both sides of, so I will be discussing with my new boss, but have also already won approval from the Hong Kong office. How cool would that be? The biggest downside to being a local hire in another country is getting back to the USA. Many people end up being "trapped" overseas as they may not have a lot of opportunities back in the USA. I definitely don't plan to keep my family overseas forever and would like to minimize that risk.

We'll see what happens, but I am fairly sure that this is a direction I want my career to go. I went to Thunderbird for a reason. Though Prudential might want me to further my career locally and go up the management ladder, I would gladly put that off a few years and focus on my international experience and stay at the same level. Money is not my goal in life. I want experiences and growth opportunities for both me and my family. I think global travel will bring that. My life in Brazil was certainly made more special due to the spiritual nature of the work, but the fact is that just being in Brazil had a dramatic impact on my perspective of life and even the gospel. I want my family to have that same opportunity to gain those perspectives. It brings a sense of gratitude and humility that can rarely be gained if you never leave the USA; in fact, many people who leave still don't get it even living abroad.

The hardest part would if any of this happens, especially the longer term solutions, is being away from family. But to be honest, it isn't like we see our family that often as it is living here in Phoenix. We would just have to make each opportunity even more memorable. And maybe we could get mom and pops to leave the comfort of the States.

Romney Article - Interesting

Interesting that people would rather have a woman or african-american more than a Mormon as president. I wouldn't have expected this strong perception (not that I think a Mormon should be MORE than a woman or black person).

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/04/09/opinion/09woodward.html?_r=3&oref=slogin&oref=slogin&oref=slogin

Ellery update.

We got Ellery's PKU test results back yesterday... the doctors are worried (and now so are we) because they said the results were "not normal." We have to take her back in. Please keep her in your prayers for us!

Thanks.

Desert Trip~~ Tevia's Version

This was a fantastic trip! I am so glad that we were able to go. I find it hard to believe that Bret and I have been married for almost 11 years and this is the first time we have actually gone.

Bret did a great job of summing up the events of the trip, so I will just relay my own feelings.

I was so impressed with Jarek and Malik. I really was amazed at the stamina they showed in hiking and climbing on the rocks. This brought me a lot of joy seeing them out in nature and enjoying it so much. I especially loved watching Malik playing in the fire. I know this doesn't sound like a rational thing to say, but as I LOVE playing in the fire, it warmed my heart to see that one of my kids enjoys it so much as well. Jarek was a bit more cautious regarding the fire.

I want to relate this funny thing that Jarek said. On the first night we were there, Jarek was scampering to the rocks with Luke and Gabe. Both the younger boys wanted to just take off and climb the rocks. Jarek, being the responsible kid that he is quickly admonished them with "Don't you think we need to be supervised". What a kid! He is growing up so fast I can hardly stand it. It is so hard letting go of all the control!

I had forgotten how much I enjoy camping. I loved looking up at the stars and actually seeing more than ten of them. I loved the campfire. I loved the closeness of being together as a family out in the elements. I loved hiking and enjoying some of the beauties of the earth that the Lord has given us to enjoy. I loved not having to worry about giving my kids a bath! I loved driving in the Jeep! ( I really want one!!! ) I loved smelling like smoke when I went to bed at night. I loved the smell of the tent. And I even loved the dirt. I realize I don't let my kids get dirty enough.

This trip was well worth whatever money we put into it. I really hope that we continue to do things together as a family to build these memories that we and our children will keep forever. Time together is well worth any price. I especially think it is so cool that our kids got to sleep in the same tent their grandpa and dad slept in when they were kids. That is amazing to me. Not many kids these days has that legacy.

Thank you Wall family for continuing this amazing family tradition. I hope that we get to go on the desert trip many more times in our lives.

Desert Trip 2007 - Bret's Story

What a great trip! Years ago we used to go down to Arches as a family. If you were to read my journals from back then, you would find that it was the time of year I most looked forward to. I remember going to grandma and grandpa Wall's home and sleeping in the basement. We would wake up around 4 AM for the drive down. I could hardly sleep I was so excited. Once or twice we even went down in the bus, which I loved. The only other memories that would compare for me about the Wall side of the family were the 4th of July's at the park.

Some 20 years later we returned to the hallowed place of my childhood. I must admit I didn't think it would meet my expectations. How could it? I'm now 20 years older, have kids, don't like camping as much, etc. But it did meet expectations. Here is the story.

Wednesday I left work early to pick up our SUV we had rented. We called on the way to make sure we were going to the right place (we weren't! Good thing we called) and to make sure they had our vehicle. They said they did. Tevia dropped me off and I went to the counter to be told they did NOT have a 7 passenger SUV, but could give me a Suzuki XL7, or something like that. I patiently explained to the guy that we needed the bigger SUV and that is why we called just 30 minutes earlier. I admit that they were very nice, though they did not have anything for me. He called a bunch of people to see if they had anything else like a Jeep Commander, etc. Nada. As he continued trying to resolve my issue I said a few prayers and threw out my good vibes. How could I not get something? I had been so positive something cool would come out of this. I didn't want to bring our van. Right then a guy brought in some keys and the guy behind the counter said, "hey, we got ya a Commander!" Had I had cash I would have given the guy a tip. But I didn't. I ended up getting a reduced rate since it was smaller and for my troubles. In the end I am SOOO glad we got an SUV.

We headed out up through Northeast AZ and ended up in Blanding, UT late at night where we stayed at a motel. After a few hours sleep we had some great waffles at the breakfast and drove up to the campsite. I had obviously been to the site before, but it was 20 years ago and I didn't drive back then. Pops had sent me some good instructions and shown me on Google Maps the exact site. It worked out great as we got on the dirt road and found the turnoff to the site fairly easily. The road was pretty bad. In fact, as we got closer the road I thought I remembered taking as a kid seemed to be gone and now the road went into the wash. I got out of the Jeep to see if it was passable and when I came out of the wash I saw another icon of my childhood: the big green army tent. The Jeep did great in the big ruts and made it look like I drive this stuff all the time. In fact, I really liked the Commander. My only qualm would be the size. With the third seat up there is absolutely NO storage room. With it down there is a LITTLE storage room. But I was so glad we had it.

We pitched our tent. Nobody was in camp at the time so we ate lunch and then did some rock climbing with the kids. Climbing the rocks was by far the most fun activity of my childhood. I wasn't sure how well my boys would do with this given their physical limitations, but they did awesome. I had Enok strapped on my back in the baby backpack. Malik climbed through a small crack that the rest of us couldn't fit through and this showed me they were excited and weren't afraid to really explore. I loved it. When we got down my pops and brothers showed up with my grandfather. I hadn't seen my grandpa in years - and though he is certainly much older than the last time I saw him, he didn't look all that different. In fact, I think he was wearing the same clothes. :-) He seems to always wear the same clothes: tan or green pants and long sleeve shirts. Later my cousins showed up (Martin and Daniel Woodland). I loved the Woodlands as a kid and they certainly were my favorite cousins to spend time with. Later that night my mom and Kathy and Cari showed up. We caravaned them in as their Accord wouldn't make it to the camp.

At night my siblings and I and our wives sat around the campfire and talked until late. It seems that usually it ends up being my and Jake and Kathy and Tommy (and Tevia and Cari) alone at the end of the night whenever we are together. I love my siblings and had fun talking and laughing with them. They are great people - and now all are adults. I am glad we are so close.

The next day we went into Arches and saw Delicate Arch, Balancing Rock and eventually made our way back to the Devil's Garden. This used to be one of my favorite hikes as a kid and we hiked in to see Landscape Arch and Wall Arch. Memories flooded my mind as I walked and smelled the smells. The weather was wonderful. We did great considering we had two kids with muscle conditions, a grandma with a bad back, a sister with a bad back, and a brother who is always looking for ways to kill himself. I was able to have some good talks with my mom and Tommy.

That night even more Walls showed up as the Noalls came in (and Brian Christensen and Wendy had come earlier, too) and we sat around the fire talking and laughing. It was wonderful to see family and learn about others. Once again at the end of the night it was the perfunctory Wall clan. This night wasn't as cold as the night before. The boys and I along with the other Walls (pops, moms, Kathy, Tommy, Jake/Cari) slept in the army tent. Tevia stayed in our tent with Enok, which worked out well as she was able to give him more attention without waking up others in the big tent. That was left to others. The first night Tommy woke everyone up as he was humming/mumbling something. We eventually all laughed before he was woken up. The second night Jake gave us a memorable moment as he yelled out in a serious tone: "everyone get out of the tent! Bugs are falling everywhere!" I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. A few minutes later Kathy asked if we should look to see if there really were bugs. Good times.

Saturday we woke up, packed, had a great breakfast and headed out. Our family stopped at "hole in the rock" on the way back which was fun. The short trip was full of memories and fun. In Brazil, and in the Portuguese language, there is a term that does not have an English equivalent. It is the word/term "saudades." I would say that this trip brought me many saudades. Saudades means like a feeling of reminiscence and good memories and sadness of times gone by and wishing that you could relive those wonderful moments/times. That's how this trip was for me. 40 years after my father first camped in this spot I was there again with my own kids reliving what I had been through just 20 years ago.

Though the trip cost some money and travel, these experiences are priceless. I don't think there could be better investments than moments like these. We need to do these things more, especially as we all grow older. Life is fragile and unexpected. Things can change at any moment. The only things we can take with us from this world are our beliefs and memories. This memory will be a great one. Now if only I could use Dumbledore's gadget to hold on to it longer. Until that comes to pass, this blog will have to do.

desert trip

sure was fun! I guess I would have had fun being together anywhere, ... but I did especially enjoy the old familiar place. I don't think I would want to stay longer than 2 or 3 days; everything gets so dirty! I was glad the weather co-operated. It is cold here, even snow possible. brr. Tevia, I need a few of those cure words from Malik to put in my journal. I can't remember any of them. Again, I was amazed at the strength improvement of your boys! wow is all I can say! Enok is adorable! Bret and Jacob, I was glad you had good memories of the trip. Cari, what did you think? Tom liked climbing around on the rocks. I don't know if we can get him to blog about it. I fell in love with Savannah. what a cutie! I think grandpa had a good time. I hope I wasn't too much a burden for Cari. sorry I couldn't help more. I tried not to be jealous when you all got to hike. it was a pretty place to just sit and ponder. hope it was worth the drive, money, and time to go for all of you. it was for me!