Pretty Flowers

Just wanted to show all of you the pretty flowers Bret got me for our anniversary today! There are tulips, irises, and lillies. He also took me to Breakfast to the Good Egg, which I love. My sweetie is now on his way to Nashville, TN for business. I will miss him. These last ten years have been so wonderful and I feel so lucky to be married to Bret. He is a good husband, a good father and a good friend. Unfortunately I am not that eloquent at writing romantic, mooshey things, but suffice it to say, I love him very much and am so glad to have shared these last ten years with him and am looking forward to many more to come. 

Three's a Charm

As I sat in the waiting room of the office where Tevia was going to have her ultrasound this morning, I felt something I didn't expect: fear. I rarely am scared, so I thought wondering why I would have butterflies. Perhaps it was just excitement to find something out - will it be a boy or a girl? Or perhaps I worried that they would find something wrong in this level 2 ultrasound, as we know this third child will have a higher chance of heart problems and muscle conditions. But it was comforting having my family around as we brought Malik and Jarek to witness the spectacle.

After a rather long wait - can these be avoided any more in doctor's offices? - we all crammed into a pint-sized room and watched as the nurse lotioned up Tevia's abdomen. I had the boys sit on my lap so they could see the monitor as small flashes of skeleton-like images came in and out of shape. It is always fun to see these ultrasounds. My favorite part is seeing the heart beat and watching erratic movements of hands and feet. The nurse indicated that all looked good and asked if we wanted to see the sex.

For some time we have been guessing the sex of this baby. There was good indication that this would be a girl since Tevia was much sicker than ever before. I had been paying attention during the ultrasound and had seen no evidence of a boy during the whole procedure. So I was a little shocked when the nurse brought up an angle that clearly showed something in between the baby's legs. I'm not quite sure what she said - "it's a boy" or something like that. Tevia seems to think she said there is his outdoor plumbing, but I didn't catch it. I was a little surprised. I would have been even more surprised had I not recently felt the baby move a few days ago. Tevia had me feel her stomach and I felt a hard jab. I thought, that was pretty strong for such a young baby. Maybe it is a boy...

As the nurse stated the sex, Malik mentioned that "she is wrong - it is a girl." Malik actually says "girl" like "gwirrell" and it is so cute. I looked at Tevia and asked if she was okay. She said yes - but I saw a small tear rolling down her cheek.

So it would appear we will be parents to a third boy. It seems a little odd that we could have three boys. Maybe I can only make boys. I am excited. I was kind of wanting a boy - mostly because the thought of raising a girl seems scarey. But I would have been fine with a girl. And who knows, maybe the ultrasound was wrong. But not likely. So now it is time to come up with names. I have been pushing for Thrace - and Tevia is very against it. But at one point she was very against Malik as well...

A Beautiful Person

I have been thinking about this subject today because it was the topic for our RS and Priesthood meeting. The lesson was taken from a talk that was recently given by the counselor I think in the RS presidency. She does not feel that it is right to do "extreme makeovers". Or to spend an extraordinary amount of effort to fix our outer image. She comments that by doing such we are working hard to adopt and conform to the image of the world. I think I agree with her, but I think the image of the world position was a bit harsh. After all, aren't we supposed to try and look good?

So what constitutes a beautiful person?

I am not planning to answer this question. I suspect I am not even qualified. Besides I am not sure I know the answer. Certainly I cannot dictate either right or wrong in the matter. After all Kathy's contribution to family discussion earlier today was to define "preside" as to be the one to pick someone to say the prayer. That was the lesson taught in YW this week.

I do think, however, that women may have the more difficult time with this rather complex issue. They really need to feel pretty and beautiful on the outside.

So given this, I just wanted to say something to Karen. She is the most beautiful person I know. This beauty is outside and inside. On the inside she is so giving and helpful and charitable and forgiving and loving and wise and spiritual and capable and full of faith. Now the outside. I remember my first view of her in a romantic way. I was stunned shocked surprised upset concerned. After all I was a missionary. I went and talked to the mission president. I was not a girl person. Never had been. I was into being good. The mission president said to me, so what, I met my wife on my mission. Big help he was. He continued, just don't do anything about it until you get home. Great thanks Pres.

Anyway, Karen's outward beauty is wonderful. It always has been. And the best part of it is that she gets better looking every year. Now some of you may think that there will eventually come a time where this trend of increasing beauty will be reversed will pass its peak will decline and recede. But I cannot see it. I truly cannot. What I see in Karen's outward appearance is an ever more endearing image of my permanent friend.

Jean Jacques Rousseau

I blog, therefore I am.

Names

Okay, I am not really asking for help on finding a name for this kid, but I do want to blog about it a a bit. So, I have in mind a name that I have liked for a girl for quite some time now. ( I will not divulge the name until we find out what we are having, although I may have told a few of you the one I like. DON'T tell it if you know it PLEASE!!!) I feel like Bret isn't as keen on it as I am, so I was looking at alternate baby names on line today. It is quite a daunting task to be sure. As you are all well aware, I don't want to pick a name that is very common, but I don't want one that is so out there, that the child will hate the name forever. I know I can't really ask for anyone's opinion on names, because we all have very different tastes in names, but I am going to list a few names I have come across that I kind of like, and would like your reaction on these ones. I am not set on any one for sure, but if you care to give your two cents that would be nice.

Here we go: And, they are all girls names since I didn't look up boys names yet. NO, I am not saying I think it is a girl. ;)

Thea
Elsa
Maura
Zohreh
Mitra
Zerrin

I know, you are all probably laughing your butts off at my name picks. I haven't shown them to Bret yet because he is sleeping. He came home from work sick this morning. Either the stomach flu, or food poison. Not to be mean, but it is kind of nice to have him feel how I felt the last three months!!! :) Poor guy.

Anyhow, that is my blog for today. Adios amigos.

technical support

OK, so how is it that I had to spend 2 hours on the phone and call 5 times to Norton Antivirus, and then run a program, and then 2 hours later it still doesn't work, but, the interesting thing is , I talked to 5 different techs, all from India, 2 I could hardly understand, and these were there names, no kidding - Sam, Patrick, Kevin, Fred, and Roger. whatever! I can take the Roger. the
rest are actually changing their names! I guess it is good customer service to have the customer be able to say their names. unfortunately, none of them could help me. duh. but the name thing is funny.

treats in life

so cari wrote a blog the other day saying how life seemed so wonderful and i have to say i felt the exact same way yesterday. since this week was spring break and my friends and i didnt get to go anywhere, karen and i decided to treat ourself to the spa one day. we just got massages and a paraffin but it was absolutely amazing. tevia, im so glad that you introduced me to this incredible treat. it is something that will be one of my favorite things to do for the rest of my life.
well after our time at the spa, we came out and it was the most beautiful day. so we drove home with the music on and our windows down and i felt like i had everything, which i do. then when we got home we made macaroni and cheese, something that may sound boring and simple to some, but is actually my favorite food, and we ate it outside on a blanket in the back yard. we talked for a while and then we decided to go bike riding. it was so much fun. then we came back and put the sprinkler under the trampoline and jumped for awhile and got soaked but it felt so good. i felt like we were little kids again. it was great! then we came in and watched a movie. it was probably the best day of spring break. i am so blessed to be able to have days like that where i have no cares in the world. why am i so lucky? and i love karen so much. she is the only girl in the world i dont get sick of and i really think leaving her will be the hardest part about going to college. we have talked everyday for about 2 and a half years now and we see eachother almost everyday. life without her each day is going to be torture for me.
so right now i have to say, college does not sound appealing. sorry both jacobs and cari. i just wish i could stay here, being an east coast girl, having days like yesterday for just a bit longer. now i would ask for advice about how i could make me leaving karen easier but im sorry to say that i dont think anyone has really had what me and karen do. but if you have any suggestions, i would appreciate it. anything to make this situation easier for me. and i know its still alittle ways away but its already making me upset. k well happy easter everyone. i love you!

Flat Iron

Last week I went on a hike with Kipp, Carlos Aragon, and Janet McIntyre. We headed to the Superstition Mountains East of Phoenix and headed up to a mountain top called Flat Iron (it looks a little like an iron). The hike was about 5 hours up and down and about 3,000 feet in elevation. I hadn't been hiking in a while and admit it was tougher than I had suspected. But the company was great and the view at the top was worth it. It renewed my love of hiking - and it wasn't so much hiking as it was "scrambling," very similar to Mohonk.

I was pleased that I wasn't too sore the next few days - probably since I have started running a little in the evenings. But the beautiful weather and fresh air gave such a great sense of awe of nature and the beauty of the desert.

This morning I took Tevia and we did a short little hike up at Thunderbird park. It was fun. I am hoping to do a few more hikes to get ready for Havasupai at some point this summer.

El conejito esta veniendo

happy easter!

new missionary

Hi all, Jenny Cangelosi was just called to the Oakland, CA mission. she leaves in July. Ben Ricks gets his call any day now.

My Day of Sunshine

Usually, I'm really stressed at the end of the semester, trying to do whatever I can to pull my grades up a little more, or finishing projects and preparing for finals. This semester has been wonderfully different. I have found other ways to stress myself out: trying to find a job, trying to run a race without dying, etc. But regardless of that or anything else, today has just been a good day.

It didn't start off well. I didn't get to bed until late the past few nights, so I've been waking up crabby. And Jacob Wall hasn't been sleeping well, which means I get strange things said to me in the middle of the night and I get the occasional elbow to the chest in my sleep. My morning was ok, but nothing spectacular. Water aerobics was pretty fun, but then I had my second class of the day. And the professor let us vote if we wanted to have the final optional or not. Ok....YES!

So that's one more final I am not taking, on top of my final that is 5 questions long and we have all the answers to, the one that is a 15 minute essay question, the one that I helped write last year, and the one I'm taking tonight for about 10 minutes. Though I should have realized it long ago, my life is pretty stinking nice right now. I only have one more college class ever, and it's water aerobics. All my projects and papers are done, graduation is almost here, and it's a beautiful day outside. I've got a couple job interviews in the works and complete confidence I will find the right job in the next few weeks.

I love how your attitude and outlook on life can change if you just wake up and decide that "My life is awesome". I am just so thankful right now for all that I am continually blessed with no matter how much I don't deserve it. It is a bright, beautiful, sun-shiny day.

Little sisters & such...

So, I've been away from the blog for a few days and after pretty much a month or so of nobody posting, I find that just about everyone has posted. It took me a while to read and reply to them all. Not that I feel obligated to post a comment to every blog... but I like to give my two cents now and again.

I realize that my comments to Kathy's blogs are usually quite leangthy. I think it might have something to do with the fact that I kind of see her as a little sister. I've never had a little sister. I never really had the chance to protect one from boys in school or be her big brother who she could turn to if she just needed to cry and be an emotional wreck to. I can only assume that older sisters just don't do this, since neither of mine did... however, I have to factor in that I was probably not the person that either of them would have gone to in school even if I were older. But things change, I've changed. I have to admit, I've been there for Tevs a time or two in the last few years, but it still seems a bit different being the younger brother. I see Tevia as such a better stronger person that I don't have a lot to offer her as advice or strength... all I feel I can do whenever she comes to me is listen and be there... but I guess, when a girl comes to a guy that's USUALLY all she wants anyway... right ladies? No fix, no answer, just listen?

Anyway... back to my point... Kathy, you can be my little sister. I think I'm just as excited as Jacob and Cari for you to come out to BYU. You really are going to love it!! And that's not a statement, that's an order! jk! But you really will love it! Do everything you can in your first year. Niether Tevs or myself ever really got that "Froshmen" expereience, so you have to live it up for us, k! Do the dorm thing, get involved in EVERYTHING and date as much as you can... You think getting a number from a cute guy on a mini road trip was a great thing... I'd like to see you walk to class without getting a number at least once a day at BYU!! You'll be bringing something to Utah that most boys here never really get too see (of course, Jacob, your brother, married one of these rare enomilies)... A beautiful girl with a testimony to match, that didn't grow up in the bubble. What does that mean? Well... basically that what you believe and who you are isn't just a product of going with the crowd and doing it because everyone else is doing it. I don't know if you've realized this yet, but coming from a guy, we can really decifer between those girls that live the gospel because they grew up in Utah and those that live the gospel because they want to, and they realize that by doing so, comes their greatest joy.

Because of who you are and who you become each day (even from getting lost on your way to The Cheesecake Factory) you will have that much better of an experience at BYU and in life. So have fun makin the most of it!

oh, and ps... Tevs is right... it is MUCH more difficult to get lost out here than in NY... so enjoy such experiences while you can! :)

sunday night games

since we don't watch TV on Sunday night, we play games. tonight, we did 3 games of Probe, and dad used bad words like poop. we don't use the cards anymore, so Jacob would like it. then we talked Tom into playing Boggle, even though he hates it. we learned a few new words, due to the fact that dad writes all made-up words, so we have to look them up. so tong is a word, so, next time you are out using your grill, you can say to someone, tong me a hotdog! :) it was fun. wish you could all play.

Getting Lost

well bret and tevia, im sure you remember even though you probably dont want to that when you guys lived in connecticut for awhile i would come up all the time and hang out with you guys. probably one of the best summers ive had i might add, just because i got closer to all of you (bret tevs and jarek) especially tevia which i was so grateful for. but anyways to my point, we would go several fun places but almost every time you guys would get into a fight, simply due to directions. and i remember in the back seat i would just laugh to myself because i thought you both were crazy and that it couldnt be that hard. well from now on i give you both alot of credit because you held your cool alot better than i did yesterday on my way to and from the palisades mall.

karen traci and i all decided to go to the palisades mall yesterday to go get dessert at the cheesecake factory. because one, we love that place, two, we wanted to do something fun and different, and three, we love taking little road trips (us driving, with our sunglasses on, the windows down, and the music loud) ha, well this trip was quite different.

now i was driving mind you, and before i left mom of course said, are you sure you know how to get there? and miss know it all me said yes. i mean i pretty much knew what i was doing and i figured traci and karen must know alittle something too so we would be okay. but of course i was wrong. we get into the car and i ask if they know how to get there and they said not at all so we went on map quest really quick and not till i was almost at the bridge did we realize that the map quest way was completely bogus. so we decided to just wing it. boy was that a wonderful idea. we must have stopped and turned around a hundred times. since im horrible at directions i was hesitant and even though i knew what i was doing, when traci or karen would say do something i would and then we would be lost again. eventually i was screaming. the girls found us getting lost amusing and this made me even morefurious. oh ya and did i mention it was hailing and beyond foggy. finally after i called almost everyone on my phone list and lost half a lung we finally got there. and it was amazing. the food was incredible. we got both appetizers and desserts. for dessert i just got strawberries with whip cream because i was full from my crab cakes but it was so good and we had so much fun. then while we were walking out, this cute bus boy who i had been eyeing the whole time came up to me and gave me his number lol. it was a good time.

well by then i was in a great mood and expected the ride home to be quick and relaxing. once again i was wrong. we got even more lost. well, to make my story somewhat shorter if thats even possible, we ended up an hour from home after already driving an hour and half in a town called goshen and me calling mom hysterically crying. and i wasnt crying in some corner by myself. i was at a highschool who just happened to be having a school play that night and i was passed by at least 50 people staring at me like i was some freaky alien. and mom was not at home alone either. she was in the middle of her talent show and told the whole stake that i was lost. it was a great experience, let me tell you.

the only good things about this little trip was, we got to eat at the cheesecake factory, i got some cute kid's number, i got to talk to some cute police officer, and i no longer think bret and tevia are dumb when they drive. (sorry i thought that before guys) i was a whole lot more frustrated than either of you. i have to say though i did have to laugh at myself acouple times. it wasnt THAT bad, but none the less i have a road rage and temper problem that i need to work on. k well hope you werent too bored by my crazy story.

Thoughts on a Sunday

I'm home from church with Jarek as he is sick. It has been a tough year on the health of the Wall boys. While here I was typing up my missionary journal - a project I have been working on and will actually post as a separate blog for anyone interested in reading here in the next few weeks - adding a new month to my mission each week or so. Today I was typing the part about General Conference during the Fall of 2003. What a great conference it was! I have put some of the highlights that I noted in my journal below:

Pres. Joseph B Wirthlin
- to know God is to think what He thinks, feel what He feels
Joe J Christensen
- anything not good for children is rarely good for adults
Spencer J Condie
- Pride is concerned with who is right – humility is concerned with what is right (Pres Benson)
Boyd K Packer
- the most devastating effect of the war (WWII) was the damage to the family
- a child left by himself brings a mother to shame
Ben B Banks
- The church can not be a substitute for parental caring
- The best thing to spend on your children is time
Gordon B Hinckley
- to the critics I say “so what?”
- the vision: did it happen? I have no doubt of it
- “it is wisdom to believe the heart”
- our responsibility is not to please the world!
- It is not enough to provide food and shelter for your family: be a man!
- To men who abandon their children: God will hold you responsible, for they are God’s children also!

eagle for Tom

His official Eagle court is joint with Scott on April 22. there will be banana splits and volleyball after. all our welcome!

Our Backyard Paradise

Sorry to Bret to post pictures right after his Immigration blog, but I just wanted to share. Here are the boys relaxing this evening after using our bbq grill for the first time, as well as the little fire pit. We are really enjoying our backyard so far this year. We look forward to sharing it with whomever visits!
Oops, I forgot to add the picture of Bret using the grill. Maybe later.

 

Immigration

The last few weeks there has been a lot of discussion and even demonstrations about the new immigration laws going through the senate and congress. And there are very strong opinions. On one side you have people who think all illegals here in the US should be found and sent packing and walls should be set up to keep them out. Others are for providing amnesty and making them part of society. As with most issues, I think the logical solutions lies somewhere in between.

Last night was a great example of how I really didn't realize how strong some people's opinions are about this subject. While playing basketball a few guys were discussing the situation and starting going off on how illegal aliens have "ruined" society in the USA: from taking our jobs to making Americans learn Spanish. Certainly I have a different perspective. It would be near impossible for someone here illegally to take my job. True citizens have a hard enough time getting hired by Prudential (ask the few people over the past few years that have not passed the Prudential background check!). And the people that I hire that have legal visas (I have a few of these) take months of background checks to get on board. So I guess I don't fear that aspect of the latin invasion. And when it comes to learning Spanish - I'm all aboard! Hey, I say let's all learn Chinese now.

But I understand that if you do not have a college degree and are looking for work that doesn't pay well and that most people don't want to do - then the threat of losing a job to an illegal alien is real. I guess my response would be to then go to college, but hey, once again I have a different perspective on the value of education.

So what should we do. Obviously there are perhaps millions of people here illegally. I know many and some are even in our family. I, for myself, don't have a big issue with them being here. I know there are many arguments - and little data to really support. How much do we spend on medical care for them? How many do we have in our jail system? On the other hand, how much money is being put into our tax system and Social Security by people with fake SSNs? Should we just go and kick them out?

That seems drastic to me. I care for many of these people and many contribute positively to our society. I think the true solution would be to have companies stop hiring them. This would be tough, though. Get rid of the illegals and inflation will go up. Services and products will dramatically increase in price. And how do you know if they are illegal, some ask? They have fake IDs. My comment would be that I believe 90% of the companies that hire illegals know they are illegal, even if they have fake IDs.

So, what does genius Bret suggest to the US government and thinktanks? I certainly think we need to try harder to limit the people coming into our borders illegally - if we need a border. Why not be more like Europe? But that is another discussion. For now we have a border and the law says to enter the USA from ANY country, you must follow a process. I don't propose a wall - but perhaps a little more vigilence.

Then make larger penalties for companies hiring illegals. These are seldom enforced - but even if it is only a few companies, if the penalties are high enough, they will be scared. It's like the lottery - you never know.

For the people already here I think the current laws in motion may be on the right track. Let's not grant amnesty altogether, but let's provide an easier way for many to become citizens/legal residents. One way might be to let them register to let it be know they are here. Currently if you are here illegally you have no record as crossing the border. Therefore if you try to apply for residency, they realize you are here illegally and kick you out. Let's register them and put them on a program. The program may consist of x number of years of waiting and several things they must do to qualify - like get tax IDs and pay taxes/social security, etc., even though they would not benefit from some of these. Senate is saying they must learn English - so fine, make them learn English even though it is not our official language (we don't have one). In time these people can then become residents legally and continue living the "dream" they came here for.

Certainly my plan has many holes - like the ones being proposed by congress (and mine seems very similar to theirs now that I read it) - but it's not like I've put hours into thinking about it. I just thought it might start some good conversations. In the end, I guess I feel for these people. They risk a lot to come here. And some that do we welcome with open arms (baseball players from Cuba??). They contribute to our society and do jobs that many Americans would not do. How many of your kids wake up excited to work on farms or bus tables? But I also can not look past the fact that they are breaking laws - current laws. And as a member of the Church I know we are supposed to keep the laws of the land. I also know many illegals have been brought here (as children) against their will or at least with no understanding. And now they are stuck here. They can't go back to Mexico as they may not even relate to that culture now. But here they are illegal. And they can't even apply for residency or they'll get sent back. It is a tough situation and one that won't go away for a long time. That is because this is the promised land and God shines on this country. People want to be here even when they hate us. And so they will come - legally or not.

Okay, I guess I kind of figured it out. Here are some pics of the kids making their pinecone bird feeders. If this doesn't post too well, I will have bret show me how to do it a different way. I just used Picasa.

Have a great day all.

 

Our Family Night

Last night we had a very fun family night. We started off reading the illustrated Book of Mormon as a family. It was the story of Korihor and the kids paid attention. We then created bird feeders out of two pinecones from our yard. We had the kids (and us) put peanut butter on them and then roll them in birdseed. We then put them in the freezer overnight.

Afterwards we went for some ice cream as Tevia had been craving Cold Stone. As we got there I noticed a new Smoothie place next door and decided I would rather have a smoothie than ice cream - better use of calories in my mind. As I walked in I realized that the store actually was not open yet, but they were training. A group of 8 or so teenagers and the owner of the franchise all stared at me as I told them I thought they were open and sorry to interupt. They told me they were training and would love to make me a smoothie for practice. So I picked the Coconut/Pineapple/Banana smoothie (can't remember the fancy name) and they went to work. As I went to pay they said that it was "on the house" as they were still training and said I was their first customer. I thanked them and tipped the young lady who actually made the drink and waltzed back to Cold Stone to be with the fam. The name of the place was Tropical Cafe. It was pretty good.

Tonight we hung up the bird feeders. We'll see if they work. I then was inspired to go out and buy a real birdfeeder and a hummingbird feeder. I am excited.

Out.

My realization...

I know it's true that personal revelation most readily comes when we are worthy and righteously seeking it. One thing I have tried to do during the last few general conferences is approach them with the intent to receive some personal guidance. This conference I forgot to right off and so I wasn't prepared to receive any during the Saturday sessions (I didn't have anything to record the promptings as they came so I'm pretty sure I missed a few). However, I repented and was ready to listen, and receive, during the Sunday sessions.

One major "revelation" or inspiration came to me not DURING the conference talks (not necessarily) but rather during the world report that comes on between sessions. The program covered what the church is doing in developing countries (mostly in South America) to better life. Or rather, to simply better the chances of life. Groups are being sent to countries (they touched mainly on the stories in Ecuador - which I have an exceptionally large soft spot for) to train hospitals to be better prepared for problematic births (mostly infant asphyxia). I know there are many programs and groups that the church sends out to help the people of the world. I feel it's what I want to do. As I mentioned in my comment to Kathy's blog, I didn't really receive any comments, direction, or much of any indication that I would have a wife or family in this life. Perhaps it's not my calling. I have always (well, I can't say "always" because Tevia knew me growing up) but for a long time, I have wanted to help others. I think it's something I learned from the example of my dad. Whatever it was... it's what I enjoy doing now, and feel I should do. After I finish my degree (actually starting now I'll start researching it) I will pursue service with the church in traveling and educating people in Mexico, Central, and South America.

I already have some Spanish training (from my mission) and I think I will take more during the remainder of my college education, and upon graduating, I will have a degree in Business Management, plus years of hands on training and experience in a number of different fields of work from various jobs I've head throughout my life. I know I will most likely never become wealthy, but the more I think about it, I will be DOING everything I would want to do if I were wealthy anyway!!! Traveling (and basically living) in areas of Mexico, Central, and South America and helping others... and since I don't (and apparently won't) have a family to provide for, it's perfect. :)

whats going on with me

so i finally decided to join this blog thing. i figured this way i can let all of you know whats actually going on in my life instead of just hearing bits and pieces from mom especially now when so much is going on. plus i love hearing from all you guys. why i havent joined already, is simply because of plain stupidity.
anyways, im doing really good. i just got my patriarchal blessing acouple weeks ago and it was probably one of the most spiritual experiences of my life. before brother edmonds even got to the blessing, tears were streaming down my face. i felt the spirit so strong and really knew that heavenly father was talking directly to me and it felt so amazing and comforting. so even though boomer's name was not mentioned lol it was still a wonderful blessing. plus alittle something i would like to share from it is that i was blessed that i would have much love and romance in my life. hehe. mom and dad said that was pretty unusual so i found it both cool and exciting. since after all, i think we all know that i am a hopeless romantic. hint the name lovebug. so my future is looking pretty fun.
besides that i am going to be going to 2 proms soon. boomers and my own. and im going with sean to mine. im excited about going to both but i have to say, i think that boomers will be way more fun. then school is going okay. im ready for it to be over though. it seems like its just a waste of my time. im looking forward to actually learn some important stuff when i get to BYU however that is another story in itself. each day i feel differently about college. some days i cant wait to go and other days im completely dreading it.
then lets see acouple other little things about me, i just finished reading the fellowship and thought it was incredible. it is now one of my favorite books. it is so different from the movie though and like Tevia, i dont like that. im reading the two towers now and im finding this one to be just as good. i also just saw the movie 16 blocks. if you havent seen it. SEE IT! it is soooo good and made me cry in the end. i think its a great story and has a great lesson. well mom dad and tommy want me to go play probe so im going to go play. im glad i finally joined this thing. i love all of you =)

coming home

how overwhelming it can be! it will take me some time to even read all the blogs and emails. I had a great trip. I got to see everyone, and all was well... well, except for Michael's dog, who needs surgery on her hips. ( that's a whole story I am sure Tevia and Jacob Webb don't want to hear)
Mom looked fine, and besides being a bit wobbly, she was fun and cute to be around. we even got her to play charades. It was relaxing to be in the slow-motion mode of elderly. I even got 8 hours of sleep a few nights. All wanted to hear how everyone was, and mom and Kathy told how cute Jarek and Malik are. Kathy's house was beautiful. Fred does great work around the house. My flights were short and easy, and I got to read a lot and watch a lot of old movies with mom. I am glad to be home, even though it means back into the faster mode and less sleep.

tennis

Tom wins first tennis match against Beacon. he is playing first doubles now. he played well.

N64

This reminded me of my brother (Jake). It made me laugh.

Google Pages

After being on a waitlist, I finally got the OK from Google to use their GooglePages beta. It is a basic program to create websites. I hope to use it to be the eventual lead-in to our blog. For now, it is basic - but check it out.

http://bret.wall.googlepages.com/home

ERROR 404!

(No Sleep + Stress) X (More Work) / ( 1/[Murphy's Law]) = Lots of Problems!

Thankfully, take that whole equation and %(Mod)it by (one) good wife and
you only have one problem; trying not to take it out on her. If you can master that, she will handle the rest!

Thank you Cari for your unselfish and steady hand through a rought time for me. You all should know that she > you. Though I won't try to prove it here, rest assured its true.

Truthfully, thanks for those of you who helped encourage me and were just there to talk, or busy being an example of hard working, problem solving people. Kathy and Tommy, you two are incredible! If half of what mom says about you two is true, you will be great leaders and do so much good for those around you. And Tom remember there are only 10 kinds of people in this world! 8r3 U 3l1t3 2?

Pride & Prejudice & Love

Well, I finally got around to watching the new version of Pride and Prejudice last night (with Keira Knightly). Let me preface this with the fact that I love this book. It is one of my favorites and I savored most of the book. It is always difficult watching movies based on books you really enjoy because they can so often ruin it. A case in point is Tevia rereading the Lord of the Rings and realizing how different the movies are. Now she tends not to like the movies. I understand they are different mediums and can tolerate differences (though they totally messed up Faramir!).

I was excited to see the movie as I love Keira Knightly (since Star Wars Episode I). It has also received great reviews, but that often matters little. I had planned on watching only the first half as I was quite tired, but that plan failed. I watched all two hours and loved almost every minute of it. I was blown away with some of the performances. Keira Knightly, who I love mostly because she looks like Natalie Portman (Tevia?), looked and acted eerily like Winona Ryder in Little Women. That isn't a bad thing, just odd. Mr. Darcy (Matthew Macfayden) was fantastic - I can't imagine a better performance of his character. It seemed to follow the story quite well (from my memory) and brought out all of the emotions that, to me, make the book a classic.

As I sat and cried large tears (I am a baby in some movies), I thought of a couple of things. First off: so many of these books (movies) are the same. Pride and Prejudice, Little Women, you fill in the blank. They are all about women so concerned about getting married. This doesn't mean they are bad or even boring, but really, they are all basically the same story. Second: true love is rare these days. Let me expound.

I am a true believer in true love. To me, true love is different than being in love. We can fall in love many times. I think National Geographic had a wonderful article last month about "love" and how it is really like a mental sickness. We fall in and out of love (or we CAN) throughout our lives, even with the same people (i.e. I may love my wife, then not, then be in love again).

But true love is something more. True love, from a big picture, has more to do with our spirits. It is a connection beyond the physical and transcends the physical. It is a part of our being. I think deep down we all want to feel this true love. We all want this feeling a part of someone. But for true love to develop, it takes patience and time. I don't think you fall into true love. It develops as you get to know someone. Similar to Mr. Darcy and Lizzy, at first you may not even like that person. But as you grow and they grow, you realize that you are a better match together. The sum is worth more than the individual pieces. So why don't people experience this nowadays? I think it is due to an increased physicallity of relationships. Since most of the world can now go out and have sex at any point with any person, that fulfills a physical desire and may even lead to love. But it limits us from seeking what we truly desire. It is like being in a candy store surrounded by millions of candies for the taking. But there is one candy in there that is so much better, so wonderful that we would gladly give up the rest of the candy. But if we stop and eat the candy around us, it eventually fulfills us enough to think we really don't want/need any more. So we give up - or perhaps a better word is we "settle."

So people end up marrying the wrong people, or give up on even finding true love. Relationships don't last - and even marriage can't bring that sense to find true love since the relationship has already "settled" prior to marriage. So millions, perhaps most people miss out on the great secret of life: true love. This is akin to the love of Christ; an unselfish love that makes you want to be better. It is like the love of a child, but more complete. And most people don't even know they have given up. Most of them don't even believe it exists. And so we have a world full of selfish, sad people. And they cry at movies like this but they don't really "feel" it. That is why, in my opinion, so many of these old stories bring such emotion to us. In the old days they had time to look and develop true love. And we can sense it while we read the words and see the images. But it has become a fantasy world that perhaps never existed.

I am here to say it exists - and it is one of the main reasons we are here on Earth. And I feel bad for the rest of the world (well, most of it) because I have found my true love. It wasn't an immediate thing. I didn't even fall in love at first sight (maybe lust, but hey, can you blame me?). But eventually as I got to know her I realized that I couldn't live without her. And I have been blessed enough to have been granted my wish for the past 10 years. I am no Mr. Darcy and Tevia is no Lizzy; we are Bret and Tevia. And our story is as strong and heartwarming as any book; just a little less dramatic.

cleveland

I will be in Cleveland from tomorrow AM to next Wed. yes, I get a break! not that I need one. I am sorry everyone is so stressed and I have life so easy. I have to remember that I did not always have life this easy. and it won't be easy to take mom shopping, do her spring cleaning, and stuff, but I will enjoy every minute of being around her. it won't be lying on a beach, but a break from routine is always nice. I also will get 8 hours of sleep for the first time in a long time. that I am really looking forward to. Mom, Milan, Mike and I are driving up to see Kathy on Saturday and returning on Monday. that I will also love. I haven't seen my sister's house in a long time, and I love being with her.

My New Challenge

I don't really like exercise. Most of us know that. I get into something for a while and then I get bored of it. I think my problem is that I have never had any really good motivation. Problem solved.

Our stake is having a large-ish Easter activity on April 15th. One of the festivities of the day includes a 5k run. Guess who's running in it.... :-) That's right: me. But here's where my motivation problem gets solved. Jacob and I have made a deal. If I can run the 5k in under 30 minutes, I get a new computer. I know that doesn't really do it for everyone, but it does it for me!!! So I started running as of yesterday, all the while chanting in my head, "1 gig of RAM, Dual core CPU, flat screen monitor, 80 gig hard-drive..."

Ok, so I'm a nerd. I think we were all aware of that.

Honestly, I don't know if I'll make it in under 30 minutes. I think I'll be a little sad if I don't, but I'm really excited to try.

Hitting a Wall

There are times in life where you feel like you hit a wall. In basketball they talk about rookies in their first season hitting the wall and not being able to finish the season strong. After travelling last week and having a client in, this week feels like that. It isn't that I am not enjoying my job, but I just feel tired, worn out. I had a 5:30 AM conference call this morning with Asia which may be contributing to it, but I need some time off. I am looking forward to this Thursday as I am going on a field trip with Jarek and his class. Then I'll have Friday and then the weekend.

It makes me happy that I don't feel like this very often. I feel bad for the majority of people who really don't enjoy their jobs. Certainly things go crazy from time to time and the past year has been the busiest of my career. But even with that, I love being with the people at my work and doing the work I do. I enjoy managing people and making people better at what they do. For that I am lucky. But once in a while we need to take a break. I'll take a small one here this week and I look very much forward to our trip to Mexico in 6 weeks!

Lucas in Love - Fun with Google Video

One of my new favorite sites gets clips from Google Video. I remember when this one came out a few years ago, but never saw it. I now see that it was a good little film.

Paradoxes and Deep Thinking

OK, if you have not seen the movie "Primer" stop reading this and go rent the movie (or Netflix it). We watched it last night on a suggestion of a friend (by the way, the movie is rated PG-13, though when you play the DVD it says it is rated R. Netflix put on the cover that it truly is rated PG-13 and the R rating on the disc is wrong. Strange. In fact, I am surprised it was rated PG-13, seems a PG rating would have been fine).

I remember hearing about the film a few years ago as it won some awards at the Sundance film festival. It is a movie about some guys that happen to stumble upon a way to travel back in time. Certainly this is not a new plot, but the movie is original in the story and delves into what would a person do with this power - and who would you trust with this knowledge. The neat part of the movie - or frustrating for some - is the style of the movie makes you think and you often get lost on what is happening due to the many paradoxes and issues time travel creates. Indeed, at the end I wasn't quite sure what really had happened at some points and had to turn to my trusty friend Wikipedia to figure it out. Even with that (which provides amazing detail) it is still confusing as you have to be able to think about different positions and events in time (for example, taking the time machine back in time and what effects that would have).

But I LOVED the movie. It really made me think and was fun. I think the main reason I loved it was because I really didn't know what it was about, so I may have ruined it for you all. But rent it anyway. Mom, you probably wouldn't like it - but to us nerds (Jake, Cari, Tom, Pops) it is provides some deep insight and thinking.

cedar point

ok, we finally decided we are going to Cedar Point again, instead of Virginia Beach, Kathy's last summer request. we are going to go to Cleveland on August 12th or 13th, go to Cedar Point on August 14th, stay overnight, then go home on the 15th. We welcome anyone who wants to come. I am going to get in some trouble here with wives, but hey, it's worth a try to mention it. If Bret or Jacob wanted to get away for a quick weekend, you could fly to Cleveland on Sat or Sunday and have fun with us and go back on Tuesday. Flights to Cleveland are cheap and you could see grandma. I only say this knowing that Tevia won't want to go to an amusement park this summer, and Cari doesn't like them all that much, but, of course, she can come too, and we would love to have anyone come with us. And, Tevia gets to come out sometimes by herself... kind of. well, don't anyone get mad at me. you are all welcome and we will get a nice suite by the beach. if none of you come, the kids will bring friends. I will get a place for 6. oh, I just remembered I already suggested to Bret that he get away and go to UT with us in a few weeks after that. oops. I guess you can't do everything. sorry. we just love being with you all. this includes you Jacob Webb. so that is our timing. we go to UT the last weekend of August, Saturday the 26th to Sept 2nd, to get rid of Kathy....hee hee. And, Dad and I are going to Cape Cod to get away on Aug 3,4, and 5th. wow, I have a lot of fun places to go this year. how would I ever have time to work? :) Glad dad pays my way.

The sound of a heartbeat

So, today I went to my second doctors appointment, all by myself. Bret is off in Ohio and I left the boys with a friend. I really should have taken the kids with me had I remembered it was only listening to the heartbeat of the baby.

As I was laying up on the table, anxious to hear the heartbeat of a new life, I was very overwhelmed with emotion. It is so amazing to hear that tiny sound, especially when you can't even feel its presence yet. I was reassured and elated to know that indeed there is a baby in there. What a joy and what a blessing to hear the signs of life. I am so excited to add this baby to our family. I missed having Bret with me though. :( Hopefully he can make it to the ultrasound.

It isn't good to be alone...

...it isn't good. So if you want someone to love you really should join hands and be together..." Or so the song goes. That is a great album, by the way. I can still remember all of those songs years after the fact. And much better than "Saturday's Warrior." I'm referring to "My Turn on Earth" for those of you not born in the Generation X or Baby Boomer period.

This weekend I am alone. Tevia is up in Show Low with the boys - snowed in! So I probably won't even get to see them until I get back from Dayton, OH (how fun!) this Wed. I am glad they got to see snow - and it was great to see rain after we all fasted last week. But it sucks being alone. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I was used to it, or if I didn't like my wife and kids. But for me, it is just no fun. I actually find I am less productive - which seems odd since I have way more time. But I end up wasting my time on the computer or playing Nintendo. It's almost like I need some sort of interface so I don't feel lonely. Even something as simple as cleaning the bathroom seems horribly lonely and sad, so I avoid it. I have gone on ad nauseum in my blog about how important family is and why we need family, etc., but once again this time by myself strengthens my conviction that I need Tevia and my boys. Without them I am a lazy, no good guy just looking for trouble. So once again, I am so grateful for my wife and kids. I certainly pray for them a lot. I can't wait to see them later this week. In the meantime it does help on Sundays. I went out home teaching today and will be going to my Priesthood meeting tonight. If they were home, there is a chance I might be tempted to skip or even forget. But it sure is hard to forget when I am sitting here in silence watching the clock.

It is almost March Madness. I sent out a link for our tournament pool - so good luck. This is a fun part of the year.

How to buy a car in 2 hours

For the past few years we have discussed purchasing a minivan. I'm not too opposed to minivans, but Tevia was eager to avoid the inevitable for as long as possible. We had decided a few months ago that this Spring was the time to purchase a van; and the prospect of another child made the decision even more urgent.

So we have been studying the different minivans available, both used and new. After a few weeks of studying and having received our money from both the government and Prudential, we decided to get a babysitter today (Risa) and go looking. We had decided to start with the new vans and see what the bottomline cost would be - and if too much we would go down to a used. We have never purchased a new car before, so this was a little exciting, but we have been to dealers before and we dreaded that part.

We narrowed it down to three vans: Honda Odyssey, Chrysler Town and Country, and the Kia Sedona. The Honda obviously has a great name and reputation, but it is the most expensive. The Chrysler has a history of a great drive (along with repair issues). The Kia was redesigned in 2006 with many safety features and looking to really compete with the Hondas and Toyotas at substanitally less cost.

I think Tevia went into the day thinking we would purchase a Honda. I went in after looking at dozens of reviews and comparisons thinking we would get a Kia. In the end I was right. We actually went to the Kia dealer first and really liked the Sedona. I liked the new styling (better than the last model); but I was really impressed with the safety features. Knowing my wife and kids (most prized posessions) would be in this vehicle most of the time, the airbags in the front and side (even in the back) along with the fantastic crash test results really had put it in the lead in my mind. Honda also has these, but with a substantially higher price. I also liked the long warranty (5 year/60K basic warranty including roadside assistance and 10 year/100K limited warranty on the drivetrain, etc.). We test drove it and Tevia liked it. The only thing we didn't like was the back seat was a little low to the ground - but this is now typcial with the vans that you can fold the back seat into the floor.

So we went in with Sal our salesperson and went over the numbers. In the end I believe we spent a little more than we had anticipated, but with the warranty I believe the additional money would be similar to repairs we might have on a used van - so we went with it. We were only there for a little over 2 hours and drove away with our new silver Kia Sedona LX. Risa and the kids loved it, too. Jarek is now able to buckle himself all on his own due to the extra room and Malik can even unbuckle himself now. This will be a huge help to Tevia as she taxis the boys and baby around). The tinted windows and A/C divided into 3 areas will also keep them cool in the hot Phoenix sun. It was the base model, but we are a simple family - no need for wood grain, Bose speakers, or navigation systems here.

So we are excited to have our first new car. The experience wasn't even all that bad. The strange thing was looking around and seeing all of the people around us also purchasing cars and wondering how in the world they could afford it. My guess is they probably couldn't, but were doing it anyway.

Now we just need to name the car. Slave 1 is taken by the house - so we'll have to figure something else out. Maybe the X-wing? :-)

thanksgiving

We are excited to say we are going to AZ for thanksgiving! we are sorry we messed up Jake and Cari' s plans. Jacob, don't feel pressured to go too. dad said he told you I'd be mad if you didn't go to AZ. You know me better than that. do what you guys want to do. if you don't go, Kathy can go down with Jacob Webb or we can fly her down. we want to see that little baby, warm up, play tennis, and be with our dear Bret for once on a Thanksgiving! The details: we arrive the Tuesday before, and leave on the Sunday after. we don't even care if we get turkey! or, I can cook and give Tevs a break. or better yet, I can hold the baby and give Tevs a break!!!! love being with you all!

fake snow day

Well, it's real snow, but the kids and I figured all the schools would close cause by the time they left for seminary Arlington, Spackenkill, and everything but Wappingers had closed, due to a storm supposed to start at 10am and dump a fluffy 8" on us. but no, Wapp decided to hold out and see if it would really come at 10, so they opted for an early dismisal. well, I let the kids stay home after they came back from seminary, knowing they would only have 3 classes and one of them was gym. Traci cut too, and she is here. then I went to walmart and loaded up on canned goods and stuff for food storage cause I was running low. by the time I left walmart at 9:30, it was coming down fast and strong. wapp is going to be in trouble. they are dismissing the high schools at 10, and then they have to use the same busses to do the jr high, then the grade schools won't even get out till noon. it is 11 now, and we have 2". the roads are awful, I got behind a bus on new hackensack, and it was slipping around and going so slow, and the kids getting off were slipping also. I have to say- my care did great! I got 4 new tires last week cause of the last time I had to drive in the snow and was all over the road. dad said they were ok, but the guys at Toyota said the tires was the reason why I was slipping, and they were right! I had no trouble at all as long as I was careful. sometimes spending the money, no, always spending the money for safety is worth it.
chocolate chip cookie and hot chocolate day, cleaning out book shelves, and fun fun fun! wish you were here Tevia!

The Unimaginable

The unimaginable.

There are some things in life you never plan on having to go through, and quite frankly could never prepare yourself for. We all know life is an endless round of starts and ends and usually, if you search it out, where one door closes you can find another has opened. Is it possible to find an equilibrium in life between these ups and downs, are we even meant to?

There are few, if any, joys in life greater than the birth of a newborn baby. They come to earth so small, so innocent, so perfect. Each one is a precious gift from God. I have yet to experience this joy in my life personally so I am writing about something I know only second hand. From welcoming in younger siblings, cousins, and nephews to the most recent, the birth of Hayden Emilio Knudsen. Hayden is the first born child to my dear friend and former mission companion Tyson Knudsen and his dear wife Jenny.

I can't think of any other young lady who has been more excited or more ready to be a mommy.

It is futile to ask the question "Why," but on Monday morning, February 27th, at about 7 am, less than 72 hours after giving birth and meeting her baby for the first time in this life, Jenny passed away. Every possible thing was done to save her, but sometimes even all the advances of modern science can't compete with the will of God and a tiny blood clot.

One door closes, one door opens. A new birth, a passing on.

I simply sit here wondering how to comfort my friend.

After spending the day with him and his new little baby I realized all I can do is be there! How grateful I am that I was able to! It seems as though I have been in need of learning this important lesson lately... the lesson of gratitude. I really do have so much to be grateful for. I have a great job that pays well and comes with a number of benefits and perks. One of the greatest perks is the flexibility my supervisor gives me. Just the fact that I have been able to up and leave (or not go in at all) with very little (and sometimes no) notice. I also have family and friends who are always there to comfort me when I hurt for friends of mine they've never even met.

The thing that is truly unimaginable is how someone can doubt the existence of God, that He is our father, and that He knows and loves each of us personally. I am so grateful for all the people He has put in my life. For those that lift me up, and those that are there for me to lift up. It's no wonder one of the first things God asks of his children is to "morn with those that morn, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort," because it is in those times that we are able to grow and become more like Him.

Happy Birthday to Tevia!!

Hope you have a special day, with no throwing up, sick kids, and a nice lunch with your friends. and a buena fiesta! well, not many people get to party on Tuesdays. I will call you today. we all send our love! We are always so glad Bret married you and brought you in to our family. You add a lot to it, and we love to be with you. You are a great mother, and your boys show it by their behavior. You are also beautiful, and the extra weight of a child within will not take away from your beauty and radiance. As for the getting older part, it is actually wonderful! I think I am more at peace and happier every year, and I am really old! "The more sand that has escaped the hourglass of our life, the clearer we should be able to see through it." Jean Paul
I still find I have so many things I love to do, want to do, and want to accomplish, but I think they say knowledge of what is possible is the beginning of happiness. With you, all thins are possible! have a wonderful year of life! love, mom

The Good with the Bad

Last week was a tough week. I already posted about it, but with the bad week at work along with Malik in the hospital, Tevia's father in the hospital, my brother coughing up blood, and some other things, it is hard to imagine a more stressful week. Fortunately I am blessed with a calm demeanor and I know that I am blessed and so do not blame God for any of these things and thank Him for things not being worse. I have often heard that if you have something really good happen, then something bad will probably happen soon (i.e. get called to a mission and all of the sudden the girl you have liked for years has the hots for you) and vice versa. I'm not sure that I have seen a pattern of this, but certainly this week was a vast improvement.

This week a couple of things happened. First we did our taxes. I did them on turbotax.com as a friend of ours had noted you can do it online and then decide at the end if you want to pay for the services. This seems like a genius marketing strategy as most people will do the work and see the tax refund (hopefully!) and easilly agree to pay the $20 to file online with no paperwork, etc. I have been very curious over the past few years to try this out as we do our taxes on our own and who knows what hidden loopholes we are missing. Well, apparently a few. After going through the very easy-to-use program online we only had one area of concern or question. We had sold a few of our stock options last year and this ended up being a little more complicated than expected (and I had expected some complications). But after researching for a while we determined the way it needs to be done for the IRS (which of course is completely illogical, but...). In the end the neat little box they have in the corner of the screen which constantly changes showing the amount of your tax return with each number you input showed substantially more than we had expected. Dramatically more! It was so surprising that I almost didn't believe it or dare use the program. But in the end we paid the $20 and sent it off to the IRS without having to sign anything or send anything in. Theoretically we get the refund in around 10 business days. It was a fantastic surprise. Then we did our state taxes the same way and had a very similar experience. Last year for taxes we got back $28. This year it was in the hundreds. So, needless to say I am a big turbotax fan and we are happilly awaiting some good money.

This week was also my review. This is the time I learn of my performance and what my bonus and salary increase will be. Last year Prudential provided me with a bonus that was VERY generous (they wanted me to stick around) so I had expectations that my bonus would be less this year. Surprise again! Though not substantially more, it was more - thanks to a great performance year. So we will be getting quite a bit more cash this Spring than expected. It is amazing how blessed we have been. I have been thanking God all week. Now the hard part is deciding what to do with the money - a big portion going for a minivan to fit the Wall clan (we will have 5 of us this Fall). I finished the reviews of my employees - feeling guilty every time I went over their bonuses and raises knowing what mine was. But I am only given so much, so I have little control over what I get compared to what I give. My employees are fantastic. I enjoy being with each and every one of them, which makes my job much easier. Risa, who is not on my team, has been doing well also. My team really likes her - and she has suggested to me that she wishes she was on my team as it is the best! :-)

So, though I certainly would not want to go through a week like two weeks ago again, to be followed by a week like this was a blessing. Certainly money isn't everything, and I don't want to sound like that is the greatest thing in the world. It is not. Money is not my goal in life. But having extra money is nice - and it will be spent or used wisely. My votes are for the minivan (Chrysler Town and Country), a patio set for our deck (found one at Target I LOVE), and a mountain bike for me. The rest, if any, can go to my beautiful wife for her heart's desire and savings. These two weeks reminded me of a quote I have on my desk (which since I am not at work, I'm not sure of the person who said it) that goes something like: for people who feel, life is a tragedy; for people who think, life is a comedy. I like the quote, but I would add "for people who know God's Truth, life is a blessing."

Happy Birthday to Malik!

HI sweetie, we will call you later. we hope you like our present. we love you and miss you! grandma wall, grandpa wall, and Tom and Kathy

Patriarchal blessing

Kathy gets her blessing this sunday from Bishop Edmonds. any advice, ideas, etc, from older brothers and sisters is welcome as she prepares, and prayers are also accepted.

ps- Tom passed his Eagle board of review last night, so we will be planning an eagle court! thanks to two great older brothers who led and still lead him along. I thank you!

answers to prayers

I was supposed to go to the temple today, but Kathy has been feeling 'weird' for 2 1/2 days now, hot, cold, tired, tingly, shakey, and no other symptoms. because these symptoms are so close to blood sugar problems, I have been worried, probably more than I need to, but Tevia will understand the worrying of a mother when their kids are sick. so this morning I prayed that I will know what Kathy has, and when I called Kris Pretyman to tell her I couldn't go to the temple, she said it is the same exact thing that is going around the second ward, and Nicole Brown had it all week, and they took her to the doc, and it is simply an inflenza. yeah! there are 2 that hit the schools this week, one is stomach related, the other is this one. I guess it is funny that I am so glad Kathy has the flu! so I will babysit for her at her job today so she doesn't spread it to the little kids at daycare. I am thankful for the peace of mind the Lord gave me today!

Jumping the hurdles

I just got back from a small campus career fair. I talked to two people and left resumes with both of them. And I am so, so incredibly relieved that it is over with.

I found out about the career fair yesterday from my friend Andrew who is always insisting that I need to get a job. I was supposed to go earlier in the day, but I chose to sleep in instead. That's how much I didn't want to go. But I promised my friend I would go, so after class, off I went. I did make him come with me for moral support. I talked to a couple of software development and testing firms, both pretty small, that are here in Utah County.

I know this sounds pretty boring and like a commentary on what did Carolyn do today between the hours of 2:00 pm and 3:00 pm, but....that fact that I did this is a big milestone for me. I'm not really all that excited about getting a "real" job after I graduate. Ok, so it's something that I've been avoiding all of my life. I don't know if it's laziness or fear or conditioning or all that and more, but I've just never, ever wanted to get to this point. I don't really know what I was planning on doing instead (perhaps I should have married an independantly wealthy man...), but I somehow thought I could get away with not going through the looking and hiring process. Obviously, I kinda have to now, but I've been dragging my feet about it big time. Jacob and I have had lots of talks in the last couple of months about how I need to start looking and get my resume out there, but until today, I honestly have done anything about it but talk. Finally, I have two good job leads and at least two copies of my resume in someone's hands. ::pats herself on the back::

In summary, I guess I'm just glad to be over this first hurdle, grateful for my husband encouraging me to start this process, and grateful for my friends for continuing to bug me about doing something to find a job. And I just wanted to share that with the whole group. :-)

New Week

Well, a new week, a new start. So far so good! We got both kids off to school as they were both healthy enough to go today. Malik still has a cough and Jarek has a small lingering one every now and then. It was hard for them to wake up since they stayed up till 9:00 last night. My bad really. We were trying to do taxes and forgot about the kids for a bit.

I got 30 min of cardio and some stretching in. And Bret made it to work safely. So far, so good!

Here is hoping for a great week to all. I feel ready to finally clean my house and get a good productive week in. I hope that my kids feel the same and decide to stay healthy for an entire week!!!!! :)

P.S. Thank you all so much for the prayers and nice notes while we were having a tough week. It really means a lot to us to know that we have so many people that love and care about us. You are all the best!

Stress at work...

I decided Bret and Dad might find the negative emails I get every week entertaining. I try not to let them get me down. In reality, I am the best CS142 TA to date and have more job security then Bill Gates. Further my job is temporary and not super important. But I do try, and I feel I have really made a difference. For you pleasure, here is last weeks best email...

Jacob -
I received the following from a student.  I assume you'll want to attend
to it.

"I do not want to complain too much but I am very disappointed in the
TAs this semester. Also, please don't share my name with any of the TAs
regarding this email because I don't want them to hate me and not help
me for the rest of the semester. First of all, I am a quick learner I
think, but these concepts are brand new to me. I have never programmed
but I think that I am picking it up rather fast and, honestly, I quite
enjoy it. I especially enjoy your teaching style. But because of my
newness I still need a little help in the actual application of what I
learn. Jave is a very precise language, as you know, so I sometimes have
syntactical questions. I always try to solve problems on my own before I
go to the TAs, but sometimes I need there help before I can move on.
Today, Thursday, I was in the lab all morning working on Lab 3.
Everytime I would press the button on my screen for TA help, it would
take them 5, 10, and even 15 minutes sometimes to come and help me. Now,
they were not extremely busy helping other students. They just seemed to
be typing away on their own computers doing who knows what. Sometimes,
after waiting for so long, I would speak up and ask them to come help me
and then they would. Well, towards the end of my time in the lab, there
were about 5 TAs in there chatting away making it hard to concentrate. I
must say that I am not well pleased with the head TA Jacob because he
was the loudest and rudest of them all. Not only was he constantly
talking from the moment he entered, but he was referring to us students
as "kids" right in front of us and he was also gossiping about every
weakness and shortcoming of a TA who was fired recently. Well, all of
this made it very difficult to concentrate on my work and it was also
distracting the other TAs from helping me. Well, I could go on about
other things like the weak help session by David on Tuesday, but I won't
waste any more of your time. Natalie and Robbie have been very helpful
to me but they all tend to get distracted by whatever they are working
on and forget to check if anyone needs help. Have a great night and I
will see you at class tomorrow.  Thanks for your help and time."


So, work is work!  Im just so grateful I get to come home to a loving
 wife who really could care less what happened at work and always 
reasurers me everything will be alright.

Poor little Malik

Malik is on his way to the hospital with pneumonia. please pray for him. and for Tevs. Tev, I am sure he will be fine. I am glad you took him in. they will treat him and he will be good as new.

here's a cup of tea for Tevia

A Cup of Tea:

Nellie made a cup of tea,

Made and poured it out for me

And above the steaming brew

Smiled and asked, “One lump or two?”

Saucily she tossed her head;

“Make it sweet for me,” I said.

Two sweet lumps of sugar fell

Into that small china well,

But I knew the while I drained

every drop the cup contained,

more than sugar in the tea

made the beverage sweet for me.

This to her I tried to say

in that golden yesterday –

Life is like a cup of tea

Which time poureth endlessly

Brewed by trial’s constant heat

Needing love to make it sweet.

Then I caught her looking up,

And I held my dainty cup

out to her and bravely said,

“Here is all that lies ahead,

Here is all my life to be –

Will you make it sweet for me?”

Author unknown

( I would have ended it with a statement and not a question –

I will make it sweet for thee. )

Kite Runner

Like when I read the Good Earth the first time, I did not know the history of the countries in this book. I was surprised at how little I know about Afghanistan. I did not remember why Russia took it over, why the Taliban took it over, and when and why any of it happened. It was eye-opening to me. having known a few people from there, it made more sense to me why they acted like they do. it was a deep book, not exactly a fun read, but I, for some reason, couldn't put it down. Dad stopped reading it after the second chapter. I found it upsetting and yet, I was convinced I had to know more and read on. Parts of it were too predicatable, and parts were a bit boring. I skim read a lot, so I skip parts like that. I read it in a week, and I have to rate it for our book club, even though I can't make it this month. Out of 10, I would give it a 6.5. People like me should read it, for the experience, and for the more depth of the people and the country. It's theme, forgiveness, can be therapuetic (sp) to one who may have past secrets. Not that I do. :)

Not a good week

I have been fortunate in my working career to not have many "bad" weeks. And by bad weeks I mean weeks where you wish you could just disappear - kinda like those Southwest Airlines commercials - "wanna get away?" This has been one of those weeks. It started on Monday. We currently have a client - Unisys - which recently went to RFP (Request For Proposal), which for those of you in non-business backgrounds means they are looking at other possible vendors for services. In essence it means that our contract with Unisys ended and they are looking at other companies, but including Prudential, to continue their services. So there is a chance we could retain their business and there is a chance we could lose it to a competitor. When a client is in RPF mode, everything is scrutinized and escalated. Fortunately for me, our team has been a favorite for Unisys and has had little complaints. Until this week.

It started with a simple report that we passed to Unisys reconciling some data. Upon reconciliation, Unisys questioned why 3 people were not on the report. I immediately looked at our report we provide each month, and sure enough these three people were missing. Our International Assignment Managers (IAMs) had forgotten to put them on the report. In essence this means our reports had been inaccurate for the past 7 months. Of course, the client noticed this too. A disturbing note was sent to me with the word "disappointed" appearing many times in many forms. This note made its way up to senior management, and suddenly the crown jewel of the Unisys account was weakened. I received many calls reminding me of the "importance" of this and how this does not make Prudential look good - especially right on the eve of a decision coming. I didn't need these reminders - but I accepted them and apologized to many people with my tail between my legs.

Obviously, this was not my fault - as I am not the one putting the report together - but I took/take full accountability as it is my team and they should have gotten it right. Any other time it would have been seen as a "simple mistake." At this time it is seen as "a possible deal breaker." So Monday was bad. I came home upset, sad, and disappointed. Luckilly, this is the first time really anything like this has happened on my team - which for 6 years is a pretty good run. Luck had been on my side. It had finally left.

Then came today. On my way home from work I get a call from the Unisys client contact. I knew it could not possibly be bad news. She goes on to tell me that she had asked one of my employees for a document that should have been completed only to hear that it had never been done. The employee had unfortunately not been completing a certain step in the process for the past year. Unisys asked us to do an audit of all files with a report out next week. I have a nagging feeling that this will not turn out well. This has built up to be the ideal situation to place myself and my team as the perfect scapegoat should we lose the client. The ironic thing being that when we entered the RFP the client had noted that they wished everything ran as well as on Bret's team.

Who knows what will happen. In the end, even these two issues really aren't big enough to have us lose the account, but others in the company will have an easy target to pin blame. It isn't that I am afraid to lose my job or anything, that certainly is not even a remote possibility. But it is hard to suck it up and take blame. I could easilly blame this on the employee and wipe my hands clean, but that would not be fair. I should have known more; been more involved. I trusted that things were being done and they were not. It was just a harsh lesson to learn at a harsh time. The hardest thing is knowing that for the first time senior management "may" see a weakness in me. I have been so blessed to have a charmed career. Things always run smooth on my team. I haven't even had a write-off in 6 years - something that is common on a monthly basis on other teams. It was just a bad time to have a weakness exposed.

So others may find out that I am not perfect. I already know I am not, but it is humbling to be exposed. Best case scenario is we will retain Unisys as a client and in a year from now nobody will even remember this happened. Worst case scenario is we will lose Unisys and the international team will be the scapegoat. This has been a great example of how we all make mistakes. My employees made a mistake and the timing may be critical. It is a lot like life. We can go through life and be good, and then for a short period of time let down our guard. It is a risk to take, because things might happen and it could become a perfect storm. We could find ourselves before God saying, "but it only happened once!" or "it's not fair." We never know our time, or the time God will return. Fortunately (or unfortunately) for us, God also judges our desires. In the business world, they aren't quite so merciful.

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

And it truely is a happy one for me!

Ok, maybe it's not that bad... but I can at least get a good laugh out of this! I'd like to go out East to find a girl... but I really need to finish school first. I'm really not in a hurry to find one either... I just don't like getting jerked around in the mean time.

Window to the soul

I know. I didn't need to be told it again. It is something I've heard on numerous occasions... my eyes are very expressive.... maybe too expressive. It makes for hiding my emotions/feelings a difficult (near impossible) task. So, how does one go about fixing that... or is it even something that should be "fixed". Maybe there are times when it would be best for me, as well as those around me, if I could hide my eyes, or more importantly, what they show. After all, I think most people enjoy the games of the unknown much more than up front honesty. If someone knows what you're actually thinking or feeling, it scares them. Why is it that people find comfort in uncertainty? Or is it that they are so accustom to lies that they take truth for deceit and so any sign of something good (by process of playing the "opposite game") must be bad.

So what's this all about? What else? I can't help but think that my inability to obtain and sustain a stable relationship is becuase girls like the games... I don't. And although I've tried to fake playing "hard to get" my eyes give me away. Curse these windows to my soul!! The sad thing is, I can't help but think that even though there have been those that like what they've seen in my eyes, they run simply because the uncertainty is not there. I don't understand people... I think I'll just get myself a cat.

Cnivr qrb r bntanc

r cqvau vb fe cqn jrl

(try thunk.com to figure it out)

bret and yoda

Kudos to Bret for having the courage to go over to the dog owner's house. that takes a lot of courage, like Yoda going to visit that evilest guy in the universe type of courage. too bad they didn't answer the door. getting all pumped up emotionally to do something like that is hard, and builds all this adrenaline inside. try again. no offense to you Tev, the broom thing took courage too! love to you all, mom

Home

So, remember the roommate drama I was having a while back?...well... there hasn't been any problems since... in fact, we've all been quiet nice to each other and more than civil. Home has been a good place to come home to... HOWEVER... I forgot that in my frustration I put my contract up for sale... not thinking our more than worthless management would ever sell it... well... they did.

Monday morning I got a call from managment saying they have a kid who wants to buy my contract, and can I be moved out by tomorrow.

Uh... yeah. I guess.

I have no place to live at the moment. Good thing I don't own much, and now even less as I have thrown out even more with this move. My big leather couch will be going to Jacob and Cari as soon as I get my bosses truck (probably this Saturday now). I left my TV and electronics with a friend down the hall from my old place, and as for everything else, well... I'm sleeping on the basement floor of a lady I work with.

I think it's time I own.

I'm VERY greatful to be working in the company I do work in... I have experienced (and more importantly honest and trustworthy) lenders and real estate agents at my disposal. I'm not going to buy a new condo or townhome from my company as they are both too expensive and too far away from Provo/Orem.

I met with our prefered lender this morning and he checked my credit report and ran some numbers. He says it looks like I could get about $95K at 5.18% with $0 down at about $550 - $700/ month payments depending on the HOA and other variables. I'm looking to hopefully get something in the $85 - $90K range... condo or townhome. Something with at least two bedroom so I can rent and have help with the payments. From a tax point of view, not to mention equity and investments, I think this is what I need to do.... not to mention, it looks really good to the ladies if they know I own my own place. The location is right between University Mall and UVSC, so I will always be able to resell and/or rent.

Life moves fast.

Ever so faster in this new year. One month already gone!!

It high time I grow up... I guess.

More Dog Drama

Just a quick post. Yesterday I was walking home from school with Malik and heard the neighbor dogs barking. I was so annoyed I started feeling quite grumpy about them before I even got home. Well, to my surprise and to my great annoyance, the stupid dogs were in my backyard again. They had created another huge hole under the fence and were running around, barking like mad. I went out with a broom and tried to get them to go back under, but that was a futile attempt as they run faster than me, and kept going around and around the pool and not towards the fence. Also, while they were in there, they annoyed the dog in the other yard and it broke a hole in the fence trying to stick its head through barking. So now we have a nice ugly hole in the fence there too. Well, I was at this point super mad. Swearing in my head mad and wishing I had a pellet gun to shoot these stupid dogs. (sorry to all you dog lovers) Well, I did a bad thing. First, I opened the gate to the front in the hopes that they would just leave and be someone elses problem and maybe get picked up by someone. This only half worked. Just the dumb male dog decided it was a good idea to leave. The girl dog wouldn't leave the fence. So I closed the gate and called animal control. By the time they got here (an hour and a half later) the girl dog had managed to dig her way back under the fence. The animal control guy said he would leave a note on the homeowners door.

It seems they must have found the other dog because both bloody dogs are barking it up again this morning. I am telling you, I really can't stand these dogs. The other dogs behind us never bark. I want Bret to go talk to the neighbors, because I am afraid if I do, I will probably get shot by them for hating their dogs so much. You would think they would care if their neighbors have turned in their dogs, and we aren't the only ones either. They have gotten out before according to another neighbor. If they keep getting warnings I believe they get fined at some point. We shall see.

Kentucky - and power vs. authority

So I added a new location to my list of places I have visited: Lexington, Kentucky. To be honest, I probably can't even point out where Kentucky is. I group it with other states like Louisianna and West Virginia as states that don't really seem a part of the USA - in my mind, of course! It was one of my whirlwind trips where I fly out, arrive at night, go to bed, awake early, visit the client, and fly home. So I really didn't "see" Kentucky except for the scenes from my car to the airport. I was visiting a new client - Lexmark. Who knew Lexmark came from Lexington, KY? Maybe dad did, since they were sold off by IBM back in the day. The meetings went well, the flights were fine, and Kentucky seemed to have normal people there - if not quite nice. I tried to keep to myself that I hate the Kentucky Wildcats, which was probably a wise decision.

Today on the way home from work I stopped at one of my home teaching family's and gave a blessing to the mother. This brought up a "pet peeve" of mine. During the blessing the husband stated "by the power of..." I bring this up because in my mission I remember my mission president explaining the difference between power and authority, and that we were to perform blessings by authority of the priesthood, not power. In fact, as I look here at an old priesthood manual in the section on blessings (by the way - why don't they provide these anymore? How does one figure out how to do some of these blessings these days? They used to be in the back of the manuals, but with the new "prophets" manuals, this is no longer. I had to dig up an old preisthood manual just to confirm the wording on this. Seems a little strange) it states that the priesthood holder "states that the ordinance is performed by the AUTHORITY of the Melchizedek Priesthood." Not POWER! The reason it came to my mind is because the last 10 blessings or so I have witnessed (including sick, babies, confirmations) have all said "power." Even the bishop a few weeks ago when he confirmed a new member. I know it probably isn't a huge deal, but it seems we should be much more careful with the language of our ordinances and blessings. My mission president seemed to - and I never forgot it. Maybe others did not. Have you guys noticed this as well? I mean, we make sure the baptism prayer is perfect, as well as the sacrament prayers, so why not be as exact with the other ones? Sure, a blessing is not as important as a baptism or partaking of the sacrament, but still...